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Oleks's picture

Hi, Edhutchins88! Thank you! I think we must make this...

9 hours 41 min ago
Oleks's picture

Thank you, Kjcoffin!

9 hours 46 min ago
Oleks's picture

Thank you, Lynette, for very useful comment!

9 hours 48 min ago
Oleks's picture

Thank you, Kjcoffin! I'll try to do what you said.

9 hours 49 min ago
Oleks's picture

Thank you, Kjcoffin! Seemingly obvious mistakes, but it'...

9 hours 52 min ago

Pretty crowded to take a great picture :(

It looks like many people decided to take their safari at the same moment and in the same place (specifically in the same car).

I can't imagine the emotional impressions they have felt looking at such big wild cats so close, in a live environment.

I have seen some wild animals in a circus who visited our city when I was a child.  They look really impressive, powerful and beautiful, but looking them in a real-life scenario must be quite different.

But, take a safari in a so crowded vehicle doesn't look like a great experience, right? Taking pictures that way should be very difficult.

Anyway, I can easily assume that this trip must be one of the most impressive in their own lifes.

 

 

 

 

 

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Grammatical Accuracy

The learners ability to use nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. correctly in sentences, using verb tenses accurately, and having the correct agreement between subjects and predicates. For instance, one would say "they were" instead of "they was."

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Punctuation

The learner's ability to use certain marks to clarify meaning of their writing by grouping words grammatically into sentences and clauses and phrases.

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The learners' ability to form words with the correct letters in the correct order

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Style

The learner's ability to tailor the written work to fit the specific context, purpose, or audience

Mostly understandable. However, there are a few errors which cause confusion.
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pjroyers's picture
I learn : Spanish (Beginner)
10

You are really doing great in your writing skills.  I assumed you were looking at a picture of a group on a safari all trying to take pictures at the same time while crowded in a vehicle.  The only true grammatical error was the last word "lifes" instead of "lives" the plural form of life.  "Life's" challenges would be acceptable but it is the possessive form.  

You are to be commended for the use of a hyphenated "real-life" describing scenario.  Keep up the good work!

Comment Rating : 
5
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Aliakbar Majidi's picture
I learn : French (Beginner) Persian (Expert) Spanish (Beginner)
4813

Hi Cramoscr. Good job! Keep it up! I agree with you, seeing the wildlife in person is a unique experience. Regarding your text, here is a rewritten version. Please let me know if you have any questions.

 

It looks like many people have decided to take their safari at the same moment and in the same place (specifically in the same car).

I can't imagine the emotional impressions they are feeling looking at such big wild cats so closely, in a live environment.

I have seen some wild animals in a circus who visited our city when I was a child.  They looked really impressive, powerful and beautiful, but looking at them in real life must be quite different.

But, taking a safari in a crowded vehicle doesn't seem like a great experience, right? Taking pictures that way should be very difficult.

Anyway, I can easily assume that this trip must be one of the most impressive in their lives.

Comment Rating : 
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
edhutchins88's picture
I learn : Chinese (Beginner) French (Beginner) German (Beginner) Portuguese (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner) Arabic (Beginner)
4485

Hi Cramoscr! As Aliakbar and Pjroyers have pointed out, your writing skills in English are excellent and it's hard for us to find things you need to work on. Make sure you keep practicing on a regular basis!

Please see some of my observations:

1. many people decided to take their safari many people decided to go on their safari.

2. emotional impressions I have not heard of the phrase "emotional impressions". I'm not saying that it is wrong, but it is just something which I have never used before. In this case, I would simply use the word "emotions".

3. Taking pictures that way should be very difficult. - Taking pictures that way would be very difficult.

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5
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Carlos506's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate) Italian (Beginner) Portuguese (Beginner)
140

Hi Ed, thanks for your comments and encouraging words....

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Karin Brauner's picture
I learn : French (Beginner)
1710

Hi! Very good text, a few slight corrections within the text:

 

It looks like many people decided to take their safari holiday/trip at the same moment and in the same place (specifically in the same car).

I can't imagine the emotional impressions they must have felt looking at such big wild cats, so close, in a live environment.

I have seen some wild animals in a circus that visited our city when I was a child.  They looked really impressive, powerful and beautiful, but looking at them in a real-life scenario is/was be quite different.

I wouldn't start a sentence with but --> But, Taking a safari in a very crowded vehicle doesn't sound like a great experience, right? Taking pictures that way would/was be very difficult.

Anyway, I can easily assume that this trip must be one of the most impressive experiences of their lives.

Comment Rating : 
5
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Ros Watson's picture
I learn : Italian (Beginner) French (Beginner)
4019

Hi Cramoscr

Lovely piece of writing.  You are really good at "painting" verbal pictures.  I can just see the safari with the big cats and all the people crowding to take photos!  I have a few corrections below but well done and I hope you post again soon!  Ros

 

It looks like many people decided to take their safari go on safari (similar to "go on holiday") at the same moment time and in the same place (specifically in the same car). [I don't understand "specifically in the same car".  Do you mean lots of people all crowded into the car or that all the cars are the same make?]

I can't imagine the emotions al impressions they have felt looking at such big wild cats so up close [You can either say "so closely" as suggested or use the idiomatic phrase "up close", in a live environment. You could also say "in real life" here.]

I have seen some wild animals in a circus who visited our city when I was a child. [Because you are talking about the past, you need to use the past tense: They looked really impressive, powerful and beautiful, [we use the phrasal verb "look at"  but looking at them in a real-life scenario must be quite different.

But, take a going on safari in a so crowded a vehicle [this is the correct order for this particular phrase] doesn't look like a great experience, right? Taking pictures that way should must/would be very difficult.

Anyway, I can easily assume that this trip must be one of the most impressive in their own lifes. of their lives.

Comment Rating : 
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
kjcoffin's picture
I learn : Spanish (Intermediate)
1495

It looks like many people decided to take their safari at the same moment and in the same place (specifically in the same car).

I can't imagine the emotional impressions they have felt (Can also say, "they must have felt") looking at such big wild cats so close (no comma needed here) in a live environment.

I have seen some wild animals in a circus who visited our city when I was a child.  They look really impressive, powerful and beautiful, but looking at them in a real-life scenario must be quite different.

But, take taking a safari in a so crowded vehicle so crowded doesn't look like a great experience, right? Taking pictures that way should be very difficult.

Anyway, I can easily assume that this trip must be one of the most impressive in their own lifes lives.

Comment Rating : 
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Rui's picture
Rui :
I learn : English (Intermediate)
40

Nice work! you can keep improving

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BeckyGreenBeans's picture
I learn : Spanish (Beginner)
4039

Hey! Thanks for this.

I would change the headline/subject line of this piece to 'Too crowded to take a great picture :( '

Thanks,

Becky :)

 

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4
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