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BeckyGreenBeans's picture

Hi,

Thanks for this. I can see your creative...

14 min 1 sec ago
Oleks's picture

Hi Ed! Thank you for your comment and corrections! I...

4 hours 15 min ago
Oleks's picture

Thank you, Kealin! I will try to use shorter sentences...

4 hours 22 min ago
Oleks's picture

Hi Ed! At the time I myself was only sitting at the...

4 hours 28 min ago
Oleks's picture

Thank you, Kealin! At last not a single extra comma!

4 hours 36 min ago

Desert 10

While making breakfast, I looked out the window from time to time, watching how the sky getting brighter behind it. Soon a bell rang over the settlement. Just one bang, which every early morning works actually as a wake-up alarm for such sleepyheads as my wife. Just kidding, in fact, Ayia only returned home yesterday after patrolling outside the walls. I would not stick out in the settlement either, but I cannot be as silent as she. Now, once again, when she is sleeping, I cannot hear her at all. Moreover, I do not even feel her presence, with all my desire. That is what it means to be born as a nomad.

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Pronunciation: 
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CategoryAdequate to goodGood to ExcellentNeeds work
Accent

The learner's ability to pronounce words shared by the people of a particular country or region of the language they are learning.

Good effort at accent. Quite close to that of a native speaker
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Excellent effort at accent. Extremely close to that of a native speaker.
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Limited effort at accent. Definitely a non-native speaker
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Fluency

The learner's ability to speak continuously by chunking and linking words together. For example, instead of saying very slowly, "I - am - poor. I - have - no - money" like a robot, a fluent speaker would say, "I'm poor because I don't have any money."

Speech is relatively smooth; some hesitation and unevenness caused by rephrasing and searching for words
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Smooth and fluid speech; few to no hesitations; no attempts to search for words; volume is excellent
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Speech is frequently hesitant with some sentences left uncompleted
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Intonation

The learner's ability to understand the relative emphasis that may be given to certain syllables in a word, or to certain words in a phrase or sentence

Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with 50-90% accuracy.
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Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with 90-100% accuracy.
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Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with < 50% accuracy
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Pronunciation

The learners' ability to enunciate the various consonants, consonant blends, vowels, and vowel blends in words, words linked together, and words in sentences.

The pronunciation contained some individual word pronunciation errors. Around 3-4 errors
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The pronunciation is exceptional and mirrors a native speaker. Shows a clear understanding of word stress and intonation. Only 0-2 errors
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The pronunciation is inconsistent and made it difficult to understand. 5 or more errors
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Ros Watson's picture
I learn : Italian (Beginner) French (Beginner)
5519

Little to change here, Oleks!  You are really giving us an insight into the life of a nomad!  We use the word 'chime' for the sound of a bell.  I have inserted two commas for the phrase 'early every morning' to separate it from the rest of the sentence.  Relating to the audio, put the sress on the second syllable of 'patrolling'

While making breakfast, I looked out of the window from time to time, watching how the sky getting brighter behind it [You don't really need to say 'behind it']. Soon a bell rang over the settlement. Just one chime bang, which, early every early morning, works actually as a wake-up alarm for such sleepyheads as my wife. Just kidding, in fact, Ayia only returned home yesterday after patrolling outside the walls. I would not stick out [do you mean 'be noticeable'?] in the settlement either, but I cannot be as silent as she. Now, once again, when she is sleeping, I cannot hear her at all. Moreover, I do not even feel her presence, with despite all my desire. That is what it means to be born as a nomad. [When we talk about being born something we don't need 'as'.  More examples are 'born a king', born a 'pauper'!

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
3654

Hi Ros! Thank you for your comment and for taking time on my fragments during your vacation. By "stick out" I wanted  to say "stay within". I think I should have done without "out".

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
edhutchins88's picture
I learn : Chinese (Beginner) French (Beginner) German (Beginner) Portuguese (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner) Arabic (Beginner)
5885

Hi Oleks, 

It is nice reading about how peaceful life in the settlement is now. However, I have a feeling this is soon going to change!

With regards to your English, Ros has done a great job of evaluating it. 

I would just like to add the following points

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
3654

Hi Ed! Thank you for your interest in my story. I also learn some useful English phrases.

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kjcoffin's picture
I learn : Spanish (Intermediate)
2680

While making breakfast, I looked out the window from time to time, watching how the sky getting brighter behind it. Soon a bell rang over the settlement. Just one bang, which every early morning works actually as a wake-up alarm for such sleepyheads as my wife (Can be rewritten as, "Just one bang works as a wake up alarm each day early in the morning for such sleepyheads as my wife.). Just kidding, in fact, Ayia only returned home yesterday after patrolling outside the walls. I would not stick out in the settlement either, but I cannot be as silent as she. Now, once again, when she is sleeping, I cannot hear her at all. Moreover, I do not even feel her presence (no comma) with all my desire. That is what it means to be born as a nomad.

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
3654

Hi Kealin! Thank you! Your option is good too.

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