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Oleks's picture

Hi Ed! Thank you! "The wind was increasing" - I think...

2 hours 7 min ago
Oleks's picture

Thank you, Kealin! This text was difficult for me...

2 hours 10 min ago
Oleks's picture

Hi Ed! Thank you for your comment and link! "The girl...

2 hours 15 min ago
Oleks's picture

Thank you, Kealin, for your comment and advise! I will...

2 hours 17 min ago
Oleks's picture

Thank you, Ros! Your comments always motivate me for...

2 hours 22 min ago

Desert 39

"Now a completely different example, shameful one. Maybe you already know that Ishim came under the dominion of the Scarlet Kingdom and thus betrayed our suzerain. Woe to them! The Scarlet Kingdom will never regard their slaves as equals. They will get what they deserve. Maybe you also heard talks that we should follow their example."
Then our headman looked at us point-blank. Ilak turned extremely pale.
"I want to warn you: from now on, any talk of surrender will be considered a betrayal and appropriate measures will be taken. That is all I wanted to say. Go to work. I will check that you meet the norm before lunch. Do not stomp here like horses - it will be harder for you to dig!"

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CategoryAdequate to goodGood to ExcellentNeeds work
Accent

The learner's ability to pronounce words shared by the people of a particular country or region of the language they are learning.

Good effort at accent. Quite close to that of a native speaker
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Excellent effort at accent. Extremely close to that of a native speaker.
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Limited effort at accent. Definitely a non-native speaker
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Fluency

The learner's ability to speak continuously by chunking and linking words together. For example, instead of saying very slowly, "I - am - poor. I - have - no - money" like a robot, a fluent speaker would say, "I'm poor because I don't have any money."

Speech is relatively smooth; some hesitation and unevenness caused by rephrasing and searching for words
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Smooth and fluid speech; few to no hesitations; no attempts to search for words; volume is excellent
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Speech is frequently hesitant with some sentences left uncompleted
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Intonation

The learner's ability to understand the relative emphasis that may be given to certain syllables in a word, or to certain words in a phrase or sentence

Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with 50-90% accuracy.
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Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with 90-100% accuracy.
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Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with < 50% accuracy
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Pronunciation

The learners' ability to enunciate the various consonants, consonant blends, vowels, and vowel blends in words, words linked together, and words in sentences.

The pronunciation contained some individual word pronunciation errors. Around 3-4 errors
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The pronunciation is exceptional and mirrors a native speaker. Shows a clear understanding of word stress and intonation. Only 0-2 errors
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The pronunciation is inconsistent and made it difficult to understand. 5 or more errors
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Aliakbar Majidi's picture
I learn : French (Beginner) Persian (Expert) Spanish (Beginner)
6493

Well done, Oleks! Your writing has improved drastically! Keep up the good work!

"Now a completely different example; a shameful one. Maybe you already know that Ishim came under the dominion of the Scarlet Kingdom and thus betrayed our suzerain. Woe to them! The Scarlet Kingdom will never regard their slaves as equals. They will get what they deserve. Maybe you also heard talks that we should follow their example."

Then our headman looked at us point-blank (You mean directly in the eye?). Ilak turned extremely pale.

"I want to warn you: from now on, any talk of surrender will be considered a betrayal and appropriate measures will be taken. That is all I wanted to say. Go to work. I will check that you meet the norm before lunch. Do not stomp here like horses - it will be harder for you to dig!"

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
4729

Hi Ali! Thank you for your comment! Yes, I meant looked directly in the eye, or looked intently at us.

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Ros Watson's picture
I learn : Italian (Beginner) French (Beginner)
6073

Hi Oleks - I could find nothing wrong here!  It's ok to say 'considered a betrayal'.  We can say 'a betrayal of trust' for example, as well.  I just don't know what 'the norm' means in 'meet the norm before lunch'.  Does it mean that he will check that they do their quota of work before lunch?

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
4729

Hi Ros! Thank you for your comment! Yes, I meant what you wrote, so I think I should have use the word "quota" instead of "norm".

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edhutchins88's picture
I learn : Chinese (Beginner) French (Beginner) German (Beginner) Portuguese (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner) Arabic (Beginner)
6725

Hi Oleks,

The headman sounds like someone you do not want to mess with haha! This was an extremely good, descriptive extract. I particularly liked the phrase "Woe to them"! 

With regards to your English, there is very little to correct. I just have a couple of points to add

  • Go to work - In this context (and this is a very minor point) I would change this to "Get to work". As this person has explained here Go to work" is used when starting a project, while "get to work" can be used anytime to mean either "start work" or "work harder".
  • I will check that you meet the norm before lunch. - In work, we have to meet deadlines and hit targets. Therefore, I would change this to something like "I will check that you have all met your targets before lunch"
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
4729

Hi Ed! Thank you for your comment! I particularly enjoyed your phrase: "the headman sounds like someone you do not want to mess with". Thank you for your points about "get to work" and "meet your targets".

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