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Natali Lima's picture

Hi Ed. I have plans to record each tip at a time so I'll...

9 hours 55 min ago
kjcoffin's picture

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Tuesday, November 12, 2019 - 20:40
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Tuesday, November 12, 2019 - 20:38
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Tuesday, November 12, 2019 - 20:26
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Tuesday, November 12, 2019 - 20:22

Desert 71

Suddenly gusts of wind began to yank me in different directions. I was pressed several times to the crowbar, then let go. The wind was trying to rip the hood off my head. Several small stones hit the leg and chest. I concentrated on my breath and, after some time, fell into a half-sleep.
The body instinctively reacted to what was happening, while I indulged in my favorite pastime during meditation - I flew. In my visions, the sun shone brightly above my head while below was an endless blue sea with cliffs scattered in it. The wind blew my arms that had become wings and I rose higher to the clouds. After a while, when a white mist surrounded me, I even felt the moisture on my cheeks.

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CategoryAdequate to goodGood to ExcellentNeeds work
Accent

The learner's ability to pronounce words shared by the people of a particular country or region of the language they are learning.

Good effort at accent. Quite close to that of a native speaker
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Excellent effort at accent. Extremely close to that of a native speaker.
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Limited effort at accent. Definitely a non-native speaker
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Fluency

The learner's ability to speak continuously by chunking and linking words together. For example, instead of saying very slowly, "I - am - poor. I - have - no - money" like a robot, a fluent speaker would say, "I'm poor because I don't have any money."

Speech is relatively smooth; some hesitation and unevenness caused by rephrasing and searching for words
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Smooth and fluid speech; few to no hesitations; no attempts to search for words; volume is excellent
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Speech is frequently hesitant with some sentences left uncompleted
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Intonation

The learner's ability to understand the relative emphasis that may be given to certain syllables in a word, or to certain words in a phrase or sentence

Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with 50-90% accuracy.
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Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with 90-100% accuracy.
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Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with < 50% accuracy
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Pronunciation

The learners' ability to enunciate the various consonants, consonant blends, vowels, and vowel blends in words, words linked together, and words in sentences.

The pronunciation contained some individual word pronunciation errors. Around 3-4 errors
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The pronunciation is exceptional and mirrors a native speaker. Shows a clear understanding of word stress and intonation. Only 0-2 errors
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The pronunciation is inconsistent and made it difficult to understand. 5 or more errors
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edhutchins88's picture
I learn : Chinese (Beginner) French (Beginner) German (Beginner) Portuguese (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner) Arabic (Beginner)
7276

Hi Oleks,

I am so surprised that you were half asleep in that kind of situation! My heart would have been beating non-stop!

Another fantastic extract which I really enjoyed reading! Just a few comments

  • I was pressed several times to the crowbar, - I was pressed several times against (or you can say "up against) the crowbar,[we would use the phrase 'pressed against' in this situation]
  • hit the leg and chest. - hit my leg and chest. [you are talking about your body, so it makes more sense to use the pronoun "my". ]
  • I concentrated on my breath - I concentrated on my breathing [in my opinion, it makes more sense to use the gerund of the verb "to breathe", as you are describing an ongoing action in the past]
  • I flew - I was flying [you are describing an ongoing event in the past]
  • The wind blew my arms that had become wings and I rose higher to the clouds [same hereThe wind was blowing my arms that had become wings, as I rose higher into the clouds
  •  

 

 

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
5539

Hi Ed! Thank you for your comment and corrections! You really encourage me to write more. Yes, the continuous tence fits this situations much better.

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kjcoffin's picture
I learn : Spanish (Intermediate)
3435

Suddenly gusts of wind began to yank me in different directions. I was pressed several times to the crowbar, then let go. The wind was trying to rip the hood off my head. Several small stones hit the my leg and chest. I concentrated on my breath and (no comma) after some time, fell into a half-sleep. (Or: "fell half asleep.")

The body instinctively reacted to what was happening (no comma) while I indulged in my favorite pastime during meditation-  I flew flying. In my visions, the sun shone/shined brightly above my head while below was an endless blue sea with cliffs scattered in it sat below. The wind blew my arms that had become wings and I rose higher to the clouds. After a while, when a white mist surrounded me, I even felt the moisture on my cheeks.

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
5539

Thank you! "Fell half asleep" sounds much better for me.

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