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edhutchins88's picture

Hi Oleks,

I loved the word "mongrel" to describe...

Thursday, December 5, 2019 - 21:41
edhutchins88's picture

Hi Oleks,

I cannot understand why on earth Ilak...

Thursday, December 5, 2019 - 21:29
edhutchins88's picture

Hi Oleks

Ilak was incredibly lucky then!!!

...
Thursday, December 5, 2019 - 21:16
kjcoffin's picture

...

Thursday, December 5, 2019 - 21:11
kjcoffin's picture

...

Thursday, December 5, 2019 - 21:08

Desert 82

It is assumed that in danger, when you can die at any moment, it's time to think about the eternal, prepare for a meeting with the gods, mentally ask for forgiveness, remember the best moments of this life. Well, there was no time for that. What a shame! I stood in a trench with Ilak and Ghorm on both sides from me, and Omah a little further behind Ilak, and was busy throwing stones. It was a moment when I found it a little funny that Omah was next to Ilak, who was recently razzing him, then I got angry with myself for my inappropriate thoughts.

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CategoryAdequate to goodGood to ExcellentNeeds work
Accent

The learner's ability to pronounce words shared by the people of a particular country or region of the language they are learning.

Good effort at accent. Quite close to that of a native speaker
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Excellent effort at accent. Extremely close to that of a native speaker.
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Limited effort at accent. Definitely a non-native speaker
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Fluency

The learner's ability to speak continuously by chunking and linking words together. For example, instead of saying very slowly, "I - am - poor. I - have - no - money" like a robot, a fluent speaker would say, "I'm poor because I don't have any money."

Speech is relatively smooth; some hesitation and unevenness caused by rephrasing and searching for words
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Smooth and fluid speech; few to no hesitations; no attempts to search for words; volume is excellent
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Speech is frequently hesitant with some sentences left uncompleted
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Intonation

The learner's ability to understand the relative emphasis that may be given to certain syllables in a word, or to certain words in a phrase or sentence

Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with 50-90% accuracy.
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Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with 90-100% accuracy.
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Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with < 50% accuracy
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Pronunciation

The learners' ability to enunciate the various consonants, consonant blends, vowels, and vowel blends in words, words linked together, and words in sentences.

The pronunciation contained some individual word pronunciation errors. Around 3-4 errors
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The pronunciation is exceptional and mirrors a native speaker. Shows a clear understanding of word stress and intonation. Only 0-2 errors
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The pronunciation is inconsistent and made it difficult to understand. 5 or more errors
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Ros Watson's picture
I learn : Italian (Beginner) French (Beginner)
6643

Such good writing Oleks - well done.  Only a couple of notes this time!  Good audio too!

It is assumed that in danger, when you can die at any moment, it's time to think about the eternal, prepare for a meeting with the gods, mentally ask for forgiveness, remember the best moments of this life. Well, there was no time for that. What a shame! I stood in a trench with Ilak and Ghorm on both sides from of me, and Omah a little further behind Ilak, and was busy throwing stones. It was a moment when I found it a little funny that Omah was next to Ilak, who was recently had recently been razzing him [or you could say 'making fun of him' as British native speakers may not be so familiar with 'razzing'], ; then I got angry with myself for my inappropriate thoughts.

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
6543

Thank you, Ros! I understood why there should have been "had recently been".

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edhutchins88's picture
I learn : Chinese (Beginner) French (Beginner) German (Beginner) Portuguese (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner) Arabic (Beginner)
7731

Hi Oleks,

I really don't see how you can possibly start thinking about a meeting with the Gods when your life is in extreme danger! Surely your survival instinct takes precedence over your desire to reflect on your life?

Another excellent, beautifully written extract that hardly needs any corrections. I must admit that I had never heard of the word "razzing" before reading your extract, so you have taught me something new about my own language!! It should be the other way round haha!

Just one minor additional point I would like to make...

  • When you said "remember the best moments of this life" I would change this to "remember the best moments of your life", as earlier on in the sentence you are speaking to the reader "It is assumed that in danger, when you can die at any moment".
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
6543

Hi Ed! I agree, but anyway, it's a shame to die and not even notice it. Thank you for your comment!

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kjcoffin's picture
I learn : Spanish (Intermediate)
3645

It is assumed that in danger, when you can die at any moment, it's time to think about the eternal eternity. One must prepare for a meeting with the gods, mentally ask for forgiveness and remember the best moments of this life. Well, there was no time for that. What a shame! I stood in a trench with Ilak and Ghorm on both sides from of me, and with Omah a little further behind Ilak, and was busy throwing stones. It was a moment when I found it a little funny that Omah was next to Ilak, who was recently razzing him, then I got angry with myself for my inappropriate thoughts.

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
6543

Hi Kealin! Thank you for your comment! Your corrections make the sentences smoother.

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Aliakbar Majidi's picture
I learn : French (Beginner) Persian (Expert) Spanish (Beginner)
7523

Hi Oleks, good job! To tell you the truth, I’m not sure what will happen after we die, but I know that it’ll be absolutely different from what we might be thinking when we are living in this world. I think the consciousness as we know will continue on a whole different level. I think we don’t need to prepare or think about anything and just live our lives to the fullest; that’s our purpose here.

It is assumed that in danger, when you can die at any moment, it's time to think about the eternal eternity, prepare for a meeting with the gods, mentally ask for forgiveness and remember the best moments of this your life. Well, there was no time for that; what a shame! I stood in a trench with Ilak and Ghorm on both sides from of me [no comma] and with Omah a little further behind Ilak, and was busy throwing stones. It was a moment when I found it a little funny that Omah was next to Ilak, who was recently razzing him, then I got angry with myself for my inappropriate thoughts.

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
6543

Hi Ali! Thank you! I hope that you are right in what will happen after death. The second assumption that there will be nothing at all. No one knows for sure.

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