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edhutchins88's picture

Hi Oleks,

I loved the word "mongrel" to describe...

Thursday, December 5, 2019 - 21:41
edhutchins88's picture

Hi Oleks,

I cannot understand why on earth Ilak...

Thursday, December 5, 2019 - 21:29
edhutchins88's picture

Hi Oleks

Ilak was incredibly lucky then!!!

...
Thursday, December 5, 2019 - 21:16
kjcoffin's picture

...

Thursday, December 5, 2019 - 21:11
kjcoffin's picture

...

Thursday, December 5, 2019 - 21:08

Desert 86

When the attackers approached only a few steps away from us, Omah rushed forward. I cursed mentally and jumped out of the trench too. After a few moments, I realized that Omah was right - the attackers were not going to throw the javelins to forestall our counterattack. Most likely, they thought that we would sit in trenches until the very end.

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CategoryAdequate to goodGood to ExcellentNeeds work
Accent

The learner's ability to pronounce words shared by the people of a particular country or region of the language they are learning.

Good effort at accent. Quite close to that of a native speaker
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Excellent effort at accent. Extremely close to that of a native speaker.
People thought this
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Limited effort at accent. Definitely a non-native speaker
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Fluency

The learner's ability to speak continuously by chunking and linking words together. For example, instead of saying very slowly, "I - am - poor. I - have - no - money" like a robot, a fluent speaker would say, "I'm poor because I don't have any money."

Speech is relatively smooth; some hesitation and unevenness caused by rephrasing and searching for words
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Smooth and fluid speech; few to no hesitations; no attempts to search for words; volume is excellent
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3
Speech is frequently hesitant with some sentences left uncompleted
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Intonation

The learner's ability to understand the relative emphasis that may be given to certain syllables in a word, or to certain words in a phrase or sentence

Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with 50-90% accuracy.
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Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with 90-100% accuracy.
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Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with < 50% accuracy
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Pronunciation

The learners' ability to enunciate the various consonants, consonant blends, vowels, and vowel blends in words, words linked together, and words in sentences.

The pronunciation contained some individual word pronunciation errors. Around 3-4 errors
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The pronunciation is exceptional and mirrors a native speaker. Shows a clear understanding of word stress and intonation. Only 0-2 errors
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The pronunciation is inconsistent and made it difficult to understand. 5 or more errors
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Ros Watson's picture
I learn : Italian (Beginner) French (Beginner)
6643

Hi Oleks

Good to see you posting again!!  Very little to change, as you can see.  At the end 'most likely' is fine but you could also use the phrase 'in all likelihood' which means the same thing.  In British English, 'realized' is spelt with an 's' not a 'z' - like this: 'realised'.

When the attackers approached were [You don't really need 'approached' as well here] only a few steps away from us, Omah rushed forward. I cursed mentally inwardly and jumped out of the trench too. After a few moments, I realized that Omah was right - the attackers were not going to throw the javelins to forestall our counterattack. Most likely, they thought that we would sit in trenches until the very end.

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
6543

Hi Ros! Thank you for your comment and notions! I was very tired the last few days after work, and only today at the weekend I more or less feel rested. Now I will catch up.

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edhutchins88's picture
I learn : Chinese (Beginner) French (Beginner) German (Beginner) Portuguese (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner) Arabic (Beginner)
7731

Hi Oleks,

Omah was incredibly brave to attack the enemy. As the saying goes, attack is the best form of defence. 

Ros has done a good job of evaluating your text. It is getting harder and harder for us to find things you need to work on. It just shows the huge amount of progress you have made over these past few months yes!!

I just have one (very minor) additional comment to make.

  1. Most likely, they thought that we would sit in trenches until the very end. - Most likely, they thought that we would sit in the [you need the definite article here, as you are referring to something specific that you have already mentioned in the story] trenches until the very end.
 
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
6543

Hi Ed! Thank you for your comment! I am glad that I am making progress with your and your friends' help.

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kjcoffin's picture
I learn : Spanish (Intermediate)
3645

When the attackers approached/were only a few steps away from us, Omah rushed forward. I cursed mentally/to myself/inwardly and jumped out of the trench too. After a few moments, I realized that Omah was right - the attackers were not going to throw the javelins to forestall our counterattack. Most likely, they thought that we would sit in trenches until the very end. (Sentence can also be written as, "They probably thought we would sit in the trenches until the very end.")

Nice job, keep writing

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
6543

Hi Kealin! Thank you! Your support inspires me.

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Aliakbar Majidi's picture
I learn : French (Beginner) Persian (Expert) Spanish (Beginner)
7523

Good job again, Oleks. Here are some alternatives.

When the attackers approached and were only a few steps away from us, Omah rushed forward. I cursed mentally inwardly and jumped out of the trench too [too is not needed here]. After a few moments, I realized [As Ros has mentioned, in American English, this is alright.] that Omah was right - the attackers were not going to throw the javelins to forestall our counterattack. Most likely, they thought that we would sit (Also, stay) in the trenches until the very end.

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
6543

Thank you, Ali! I think, "stay" will be better in that context than "sit".

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