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edhutchins88's picture

Hi Oleks,

I loved the word "mongrel" to describe...

Thursday, December 5, 2019 - 21:41
edhutchins88's picture

Hi Oleks,

I cannot understand why on earth Ilak...

Thursday, December 5, 2019 - 21:29
edhutchins88's picture

Hi Oleks

Ilak was incredibly lucky then!!!

...
Thursday, December 5, 2019 - 21:16
kjcoffin's picture

...

Thursday, December 5, 2019 - 21:11
kjcoffin's picture

...

Thursday, December 5, 2019 - 21:08

Desert 88

With a sword in my hand, I felt more confident. Having retreated a few steps from the two warriors coming at me, I worked out several blows on their hands. As a result, two severed hands with swords flew to the ground. To the right was approaching another warrior, strong as a bull, with a longsword in his hands. But then Ilak and Ghom appeared next to me.

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Pronunciation: 
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Intonation: 
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CategoryAdequate to goodGood to ExcellentNeeds work
Accent

The learner's ability to pronounce words shared by the people of a particular country or region of the language they are learning.

Good effort at accent. Quite close to that of a native speaker
People thought this
1
Excellent effort at accent. Extremely close to that of a native speaker.
People thought this
1
Limited effort at accent. Definitely a non-native speaker
People thought this
1
Fluency

The learner's ability to speak continuously by chunking and linking words together. For example, instead of saying very slowly, "I - am - poor. I - have - no - money" like a robot, a fluent speaker would say, "I'm poor because I don't have any money."

Speech is relatively smooth; some hesitation and unevenness caused by rephrasing and searching for words
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Smooth and fluid speech; few to no hesitations; no attempts to search for words; volume is excellent
People thought this
2
Speech is frequently hesitant with some sentences left uncompleted
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Intonation

The learner's ability to understand the relative emphasis that may be given to certain syllables in a word, or to certain words in a phrase or sentence

Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with 50-90% accuracy.
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Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with 90-100% accuracy.
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Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with < 50% accuracy
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Pronunciation

The learners' ability to enunciate the various consonants, consonant blends, vowels, and vowel blends in words, words linked together, and words in sentences.

The pronunciation contained some individual word pronunciation errors. Around 3-4 errors
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The pronunciation is exceptional and mirrors a native speaker. Shows a clear understanding of word stress and intonation. Only 0-2 errors
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The pronunciation is inconsistent and made it difficult to understand. 5 or more errors
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Ros Watson's picture
I learn : Italian (Beginner) French (Beginner)
6643

This is really getting very blood-thirsty Oleks!!  I'm probably not the best person to correct all this fighting talk as I'm a bit of a pacifist!!  It all sounds very exciting though!

With a sword in my hand, I felt more confident. Having retreated a few steps from the two warriors coming at towards me, I worked out gave several blows on to their hands. As a result, two severed hands, with still with swords attached, flew to the ground. To the right was approaching another warrior was approaching, strong as a bull, with a longsword in his hands. But then Ilak and Ghom appeared next to me.

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
6543

Hi Ros! Thank you for your comment! You corrected everything very well. :)

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Aliakbar Majidi's picture
I learn : French (Beginner) Persian (Expert) Spanish (Beginner)
7523

Well done again, Oleks! Unlike Ros, I’m interested in such stories with detailed descriptions :)

With a sword in my hand, I felt more confident. Having retreated a few steps from the two warriors coming at towards me, I worked out gave several blows on to their hands. As a result, two severed hands, with still with swords attached, flew to the ground. To the right was approaching another warrior [This change of order makes the sentence marked. This makes the text sound literary although it doesn’t sound natural.], strong as a bull, with a longsword in his hands. But then, [comma needed] Ilak and Ghom appeared next to me.

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
6543

Hi Ali! Thank you! Your support and support of your friends inspires me.

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edhutchins88's picture
I learn : Chinese (Beginner) French (Beginner) German (Beginner) Portuguese (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner) Arabic (Beginner)
7731

Hi Oleks,

This is certainly the most violent, brutal extract of the story so far! I absolutely loved it! And yet again you have taught me a word I was not aware of in my own, native language "longsword". (I am embarrassed to have to tell you that I had to research the meaning of this word :( )

Aliakbar and Ros have done a great job of evaluating your text and I don't have any other observations to add.

Just one suggestion: you could also say  "I dealt several blows to their hands" (In my opinion, this sounds a bit more "natural")

 

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
6543

Hi Ed! I always admire the vocabulary of English. In Russian there is no one word for "longsword". We would say "two-handed sword". And this is just one of many examples. I'm glad you liked this piece. Thank you for your comment!

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kjcoffin's picture
I learn : Spanish (Intermediate)
3645

With a sword in my hand, I felt more confident. Having retreated a few steps from the two warriors coming at/towards me, I connected with several blows on to their hands. As a result, two severed hands with swords flew to the ground. To the right of me, another warrior was approaching. He was strong as a bull with a long sword in his hand. At that time, Ilak and Ghom appeared/came next to me. 

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
6543

Hi Kealin! Thank you for your comment and corrections!

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