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edhutchins88's picture

Hi Oleks,

I loved the word "mongrel" to describe...

Thursday, December 5, 2019 - 21:41
edhutchins88's picture

Hi Oleks,

I cannot understand why on earth Ilak...

Thursday, December 5, 2019 - 21:29
edhutchins88's picture

Hi Oleks

Ilak was incredibly lucky then!!!

...
Thursday, December 5, 2019 - 21:16
kjcoffin's picture

...

Thursday, December 5, 2019 - 21:11
kjcoffin's picture

...

Thursday, December 5, 2019 - 21:08

Desert 94

The enemy archers, located next to the holes of sandworms, began to take turns to hide in these holes. The crowd of attackers stopped in confusion. They did not know what to do - attack or retreat. First, one by one, then at some crucial moment almost everyone, they ran back. Those, hit by arrows shot from above or javelins thrown by diggers, fell and did not rise again.

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CategoryAdequate to goodGood to ExcellentNeeds work
Accent

The learner's ability to pronounce words shared by the people of a particular country or region of the language they are learning.

Good effort at accent. Quite close to that of a native speaker
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Excellent effort at accent. Extremely close to that of a native speaker.
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Limited effort at accent. Definitely a non-native speaker
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Fluency

The learner's ability to speak continuously by chunking and linking words together. For example, instead of saying very slowly, "I - am - poor. I - have - no - money" like a robot, a fluent speaker would say, "I'm poor because I don't have any money."

Speech is relatively smooth; some hesitation and unevenness caused by rephrasing and searching for words
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Smooth and fluid speech; few to no hesitations; no attempts to search for words; volume is excellent
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Speech is frequently hesitant with some sentences left uncompleted
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Intonation

The learner's ability to understand the relative emphasis that may be given to certain syllables in a word, or to certain words in a phrase or sentence

Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with 50-90% accuracy.
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Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with 90-100% accuracy.
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Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with < 50% accuracy
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Pronunciation

The learners' ability to enunciate the various consonants, consonant blends, vowels, and vowel blends in words, words linked together, and words in sentences.

The pronunciation contained some individual word pronunciation errors. Around 3-4 errors
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The pronunciation is exceptional and mirrors a native speaker. Shows a clear understanding of word stress and intonation. Only 0-2 errors
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The pronunciation is inconsistent and made it difficult to understand. 5 or more errors
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Aliakbar Majidi's picture
I learn : French (Beginner) Persian (Expert) Spanish (Beginner)
7523

Hi Oleks, well done.

The enemy archers, located next to the holes of sandworms, began to take turns to hide in these holes. The crowd of attackers stopped in confusion. They did not know what to do - attack or retreat. First, one by one, then, [comma needed] at some crucial moment, [comma needed] almost everyone; [Semicolon is a better choice here] they ran back. Those [no comma] hit by the arrows shot from above or javelins thrown by diggers (Who are diggers?) [no comma] fell and did not rise again.

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
6543

Hi Ali! Thank you for your notes! Diggers are workers who have expanded and deepened the moat. They were attacked. My hero is one of them.

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Ros Watson's picture
I learn : Italian (Beginner) French (Beginner)
6643

Your writing is getting so good Oleks!  I just keep wishing that the fighting could be over and they could all go home to their wives for dinner!!!

The enemy archers, located next to the holes of sandworms, began to take turns to hide in these holes. The crowd of attackers stopped in confusion. They did not know what to do - attack or retreat. First, one by one, then, at some crucial moment, almost everyone, they ran back [When you say 'almost everyone, you don't need 'they' as well]. Those, hit by arrows shot from above or javelins thrown by diggers, fell and did not rise again.

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
6543

Thank you, Ros! A little more, and the battle will be over. :)

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edhutchins88's picture
I learn : Chinese (Beginner) French (Beginner) German (Beginner) Portuguese (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner) Arabic (Beginner)
7731

Hi Oleks,

It seems that archers are the most deadly and unpredictable type of fighter! I can understand why the attackers were at a loss for what to do next.

Both Aliakbar and Ros have done a good job of evaluating your English. I just have the following comment to add

  • at some crucial moment almost everyone - at one crucial moment, almost everyone ran back (you are referring to one specific moment during the battle, so in my opinion it makes  more sense to say "one".
  • could you explain who the "diggers" are again please?
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
6543

Hi Ed! Thank you for your comment! I think so was in a history too.

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Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
6543

About diggers - they are who dug trenches and did other earthwork. This is the profession of our hero now.

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kjcoffin's picture
I learn : Spanish (Intermediate)
3645

The enemy archers, located next to the holes of sandworms, began to take turns to hide in these hiding in the holes. The crowd of attackers stopped in confusion. They did not know what to do - attack or retreat. First, one One by one, then at some crucial moment almost everyone, they ran back. Those, hit by arrows shot from above or javelins thrown by diggers, fell and did not rise again. Those that were hit by arrows above or javelins thrown by diggers fell and did not rise again.

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
6543

Thank you, Kealin! "One by one" is a good idiom.

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