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Alind's picture

Helew

1 hour 40 min ago
Aliakbar Majidi's picture

Hi, Oleks. Another compelling series of texts by you! I...

5 hours 57 min ago
Lynette's picture

Oleks you are very committed to learning English and I...

6 hours 9 min ago
Ros Watson's picture

Hi...

8 hours 1 min ago
Lynette's picture

Gracias Shazam por tu...

11 hours 6 min ago

Jump 11

At first, I saw only grass on the field and the blue sky above it. Then, the engine roared, the hull began to vibrate, and the grass quickly began to go left and down. The plane swayed, and I saw green spots of fields. Shortly afterward, houses appeared small as matchboxes. Then I saw strands of roads with tiny cars, and a sparkling band of our winding river. Suddenly, I saw the whole hometown with its recognizable outlines, which I had previously seen only on the map.
The color of the sky turned deep blue, with a bright sun shining through a light milky haze, as if it had sunk a little in sky blue. The weather was perfect; there was not even a small cloud in the sky.

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CategoryAdequate to goodGood to ExcellentNeeds work
Accent

The learner's ability to pronounce words shared by the people of a particular country or region of the language they are learning.

Good effort at accent. Quite close to that of a native speaker
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Excellent effort at accent. Extremely close to that of a native speaker.
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Limited effort at accent. Definitely a non-native speaker
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Fluency

The learner's ability to speak continuously by chunking and linking words together. For example, instead of saying very slowly, "I - am - poor. I - have - no - money" like a robot, a fluent speaker would say, "I'm poor because I don't have any money."

Speech is relatively smooth; some hesitation and unevenness caused by rephrasing and searching for words
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Smooth and fluid speech; few to no hesitations; no attempts to search for words; volume is excellent
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Speech is frequently hesitant with some sentences left uncompleted
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Intonation

The learner's ability to understand the relative emphasis that may be given to certain syllables in a word, or to certain words in a phrase or sentence

Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with 50-90% accuracy.
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Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with 90-100% accuracy.
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Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with < 50% accuracy
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Pronunciation

The learners' ability to enunciate the various consonants, consonant blends, vowels, and vowel blends in words, words linked together, and words in sentences.

The pronunciation contained some individual word pronunciation errors. Around 3-4 errors
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The pronunciation is exceptional and mirrors a native speaker. Shows a clear understanding of word stress and intonation. Only 0-2 errors
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The pronunciation is inconsistent and made it difficult to understand. 5 or more errors
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Ros Watson's picture
I learn : Italian (Beginner) French (Beginner)
5164

Very beautiful vivid descriptions.  You really brought the experience alive for the reader.  Just be careful with the pronunciation of the word "winding".  The "i" should be pronounced like the "i" in "finding".

At first, I saw only the grass on the field and the blue sky above it. Then, the engine roared, the hull began to vibrate, and the grass quickly began to go left and down [fall away to the left might be a better way of describing this]. The plane swayed, and I saw green spots of fields. Shortly afterward, houses appeared as small as matchboxes. Then I saw strands of roads with tiny cars, and a sparkling band of our winding river. Suddenly, I saw the whole of my hometown with its recognizable outlines, which I had previously only seen only on the map.

The color of the sky turned deep blue, with a bright sun shining through a light milky haze, as if it had sunk a little in the blue skysky blue. The weather was perfect; there was not even a small cloud in the sky.

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
2725

Hi Ros,
Thank you for your corrections! "Fall away to the left": it's very interesting, I should try to memorize that.

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edhutchins88's picture
I learn : Chinese (Beginner) French (Beginner) German (Beginner) Portuguese (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner) Arabic (Beginner)
5415

Hi Oleks,

It must have been fascinating seeing a live aerial view of your hometown. All your posts are making me want to go skydiving even more! (It's been something I have always wanted to do as I am an adrenaline junkie! ) 

You were so lucky that it was a nice day when you did the jump! Do parachute jumps get cancelled if it is too windy and wet?

 

I would just like to add the following points with regards to your written English

  • I saw green spots of fields The fields were like / became small, green spots. (In my opinion, it is clearer if you say what is happening to the subject - the fields. You have done it here: "houses appeared as small as matchboxes")
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
2725

Hi Edhutchins88!
If you want you should :) This is an amazing experience, I don't remember many days so well as this day. Yes, parachute jumps cancelled if it is too windy and wet, because it becomes dangerous.

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kjcoffin's picture
I learn : Spanish (Intermediate)
2230

At first, I saw only grass on the field and the blue sky above it. Then, the engine roared, the hull began to vibrate and the grass quickly began to go left and down. The plane swayed (no comma) and I saw green spots of fields. Shortly afterward, houses appeared/looked small as matchboxes. Then I saw strands of roads with tiny cars (no comma) and a sparkling band of our winding river. Suddenly, I saw the whole hometown with its recognizable outlines (no comma) which I had previously seen only on the map.

The color of the sky turned deep blue (no comma) with a bright sun shining through a light milky haze (no comma) as if it had sunk a little in sky blue. The weather was perfect. There was not even a small cloud in the sky.

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
2725

Hi Kjcoffin,
Thank you! I will need to pay more attention to commas.

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Aliakbar Majidi's picture
I learn : French (Beginner) Persian (Expert) Spanish (Beginner)
5998

Nice work, Oleks! I especially like your description of sceneries.

At first, I saw only the grass on the field and the blue sky above it. Then, the engine roared, the hull began to vibrate, and the grass quickly began to go left and down fall away on the left. The plane swayed, [no comma] and I saw green spots of fields. Shortly afterwards [I prefer afterwards here, because you are talking about a later time rather than putting events in a sequence. Visit this link: https://www.thoughtco.com/afterwards-and-afterword-1689292], houses appeared as small as matchboxes. Then I saw strands of roads with tiny cars, [no comma] and a sparkling band of our a winding river. Suddenly, I saw the whole of my hometown with its recognizable outlines, which I had previously seen only on the map.

The color of the sky turned deep blue, [no comma] with a bright sun shining through a light milky haze, [no comma] as if it had sunk a little in sky blue the blue sky. The weather was perfect; there was not even a small cloud in the sky.

Keep up the good work!

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
2725

Hi Aliakbar,
Thank you for your comment, if was very useful. Thanks you your link, I understood the difference between "afterward" and "afterwards" also.

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