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Alind's picture

Helew

Thursday, August 22, 2019 - 21:49
Aliakbar Majidi's picture

Hi, Oleks. Another compelling series of texts by you! I...

Thursday, August 22, 2019 - 17:33
Lynette's picture

Oleks you are very committed to learning English and I...

Thursday, August 22, 2019 - 17:21
Ros Watson's picture

Hi...

Thursday, August 22, 2019 - 15:28
Lynette's picture

Gracias Shazam por tu...

Thursday, August 22, 2019 - 12:23

Jump 6

I missed something in my story, and now I want to talk to you about it. This one is about why it is so important to be able to rotate a parachute. The point is the parachute has its velocity not only in vertical but also in a horizontal direction. It moves forward with a speed of about 5 meters per second.
Since the parachute has large windage, it also easy carried by the wind. A light breeze has a speed that is fewer than 5 meters per second. Higher speed up to 7 meters per second means moderate wind.
So, after the opening of the parachute, you need to steer it upwind, to subtract these speeds in the final speed of your moving.
If you do not do it, you have a good chance to be dragged along the ground at a speed that a trained rider can develop on a racing bicycle.

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CategoryAdequate to goodGood to ExcellentNeeds work
Accent

The learner's ability to pronounce words shared by the people of a particular country or region of the language they are learning.

Good effort at accent. Quite close to that of a native speaker
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Excellent effort at accent. Extremely close to that of a native speaker.
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Limited effort at accent. Definitely a non-native speaker
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Fluency

The learner's ability to speak continuously by chunking and linking words together. For example, instead of saying very slowly, "I - am - poor. I - have - no - money" like a robot, a fluent speaker would say, "I'm poor because I don't have any money."

Speech is relatively smooth; some hesitation and unevenness caused by rephrasing and searching for words
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Smooth and fluid speech; few to no hesitations; no attempts to search for words; volume is excellent
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Speech is frequently hesitant with some sentences left uncompleted
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Intonation

The learner's ability to understand the relative emphasis that may be given to certain syllables in a word, or to certain words in a phrase or sentence

Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with 50-90% accuracy.
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Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with 90-100% accuracy.
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Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with < 50% accuracy
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Pronunciation

The learners' ability to enunciate the various consonants, consonant blends, vowels, and vowel blends in words, words linked together, and words in sentences.

The pronunciation contained some individual word pronunciation errors. Around 3-4 errors
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The pronunciation is exceptional and mirrors a native speaker. Shows a clear understanding of word stress and intonation. Only 0-2 errors
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The pronunciation is inconsistent and made it difficult to understand. 5 or more errors
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kjcoffin's picture
I learn : Spanish (Intermediate)
2230

I missed something in my story, and now I want to talk to you about it. This one is about why it is so important to be able to rotate a parachute. The point is the parachute has its velocity not only in vertical direction, but also in a horizontal direction. It moves forward with a speed of about 5 meters per second.

Since the parachute has large windage, it also easy easily carried by the wind. A light breeze has a speed that is fewer than 5 meters per second. Higher speed up to 7 meters per second means moderate wind.

So, after the opening of the parachute, you need to steer it upwind (no comma) to subtract these speeds in the final speed of your moving.

If you do not do it, you have a good chance to be dragged along the ground at a speed that a trained rider can develop on a racing bicycle.

Nice job, very few errors that I notice. Keep up the good work

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
2725

Hi Kjcoffin,
Thank you! I am glad that I am making progress.

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Aliakbar Majidi's picture
I learn : French (Beginner) Persian (Expert) Spanish (Beginner)
5998

Well done again, Oleks. Keep it up.

I missed something in my story [no comma] and now I want to talk to you about it. This one is about why it is so important to be able to rotate a parachute. The point is the parachute has its velocity not only in a vertical direction but also in a horizontal direction. It moves forward with a speed of about 5 meters per second.
Since the parachute has large windage, it is also easy easily carried by the wind. A light breeze has a speed that is fewer less than 5 meters per second. Higher speed up to 7 meters per second means moderate wind.
So, after the opening of the parachute [Also, ‘after the parachute is opened’], you need to steer it upwind [no comma] to subtract these speeds in the final speed of your moving.
If you do not do it, you have a good chance to be dragged along the ground at a speed that a trained rider can develop on a racing bicycle.

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
2725

Hi Aliakbar,
Thank you for your corrections!

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Ros Watson's picture
I learn : Italian (Beginner) French (Beginner)
5164

Crikey!  I'm becoming an expert on parachute jumping thanks to you!  I have made a few changes, sometimes just to make the writing sound more natural to the native English speaker.  With the word "rotate" the stress is on the second syllable. But this was an excellent piece of work and I've learnt a new word!  (Windage!!).  

 

I missed something in my story, and now I want to talk to you about it. This one is about I want to tell you why it is so important to be able to rotate a parachute. The point is that the direction of the parachute's velocity is horizontal as well as vertical. has its velocity not only in vertical but also in a horizontal direction. It moves forward with a speed of about 5 meters per second.

Since the parachute has large windage, it is also easyily carried by the wind. A light breeze has  creates a speed that is fewer than 5 meters per second. Higher speed "of up to 7 meters per second means are created by moderate wind.

So, after the opening of the parachute, you need to steer it upwind, to subtract these speeds in from the final speed of your moving.

If you do not do it, this, you have a good chance to be of being [After "chance" in this context we need to use "of" plus the gerund] dragged along the ground at a speed that a trained rider can develop on a racing bicycle.

 
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
2725

Hi Ros,
Thank you! I understood, "it is also carried by the wind" is a passive void. I will try to memorize also "a good chance of being dragged".

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edhutchins88's picture
I learn : Chinese (Beginner) French (Beginner) German (Beginner) Portuguese (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner) Arabic (Beginner)
5415

Hi Oleks,

I never knew you had the ability to steer a parachute. I honestly thought you just had to jump out of the plane, press the switch to open the parachute and then fall to the ground (and focus on landing correctly haha). Just goes to show how ignorant I am about it! Is it complicated to steer a parachute? Does it take a lot of strength?

Again, the members above me have done an excellent job of evaluating your written and spoken English. I would add the following point

  • Higher speed up to 7 meters per second... "Higher speeds of up to 7 metres per second" (You are not referring to one, specific "speed" so this needs to be in the plural form)
  • to subtract these speeds in the final speed of your moving. I think it would be simpler just to say "to slow down"   (subtract these speeds from the final speed of your moving sounds rather strange to me) I would rewrite this sentence to "In order to decrease the speed of the parachute after opening it, you need to steer it upwind"

 

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
2725

Hi Edhutchins88,
Thank you for your comment. As regards to parachute steering, it is easy.  If you pull the left sling, the parachute turnes right, and vice versa. A little effort is needed.

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Lynette's picture
I learn : Spanish (Intermediate)
460

Another great story Oleks.

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
2725

Hi Lynette,
Thank you!

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