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BeckyGreenBeans's picture

Hi Oleks,

Thanks for this.

Here, you say '...

Sunday, September 15, 2019 - 23:58
BeckyGreenBeans's picture

Hi,

Thanks for this. I can see your creative...

Sunday, September 15, 2019 - 23:35
Oleks's picture

Hi Ed! Thank you for your comment and corrections! I...

Sunday, September 15, 2019 - 19:34
Oleks's picture

Thank you, Kealin! I will try to use shorter sentences...

Sunday, September 15, 2019 - 19:27
Oleks's picture

Hi Ed! At the time I myself was only sitting at the...

Sunday, September 15, 2019 - 19:21

Scared ghosts

That night the storm was so strong than even the ghosts had hidden themselves at the old gothic church, after all they could felt that was not a natural storm, something was trying to pass through the gate of infinite and the old spirits of the town couldn't afford to rest.

 

At some point after midnight a powerful lightning stroke the lonely park in front of the church, the windows of the surrounding houses hardly stand the expansion wave, in fact several windows finished broken. The electricity ran away after that and the wind howls like if a mad-giant werewolf were suddenly unleashed.

 

And then the gate opened and a human-shaped being passed through entering to this world. All the ghosts stepped aside as if they needed to kept their inexisting breath while the alien wanderer started to walk over the grass.

 

The rain stopped, the wind calmed down and then one of the ghosts walked out from its shelter in order to get the foreigner. Once the strange ghost stood in front of the newcomer the other could hear these words:

 

       - I'm glad your finally here, I waited for a long, long time.

 

       - Almost 7000 years my friend, yours was a long watch indeed.

 

       - 7000 years and now we have no time.

 

Then they fade away on the mist, and the ghosts whispered gazing to the dark skye:

 

       - We should went to Heaven when we could, now is too late, Fenrir is on the loose...

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Accent

The learner's ability to pronounce words shared by the people of a particular country or region of the language they are learning.

Good effort at accent. Quite close to that of a native speaker
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Excellent effort at accent. Extremely close to that of a native speaker.
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Limited effort at accent. Definitely a non-native speaker
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Fluency

The learner's ability to speak continuously by chunking and linking words together. For example, instead of saying very slowly, "I - am - poor. I - have - no - money" like a robot, a fluent speaker would say, "I'm poor because I don't have any money."

Speech is relatively smooth; some hesitation and unevenness caused by rephrasing and searching for words
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Smooth and fluid speech; few to no hesitations; no attempts to search for words; volume is excellent
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Speech is frequently hesitant with some sentences left uncompleted
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Intonation

The learner's ability to understand the relative emphasis that may be given to certain syllables in a word, or to certain words in a phrase or sentence

Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with 50-90% accuracy.
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Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with 90-100% accuracy.
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Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with < 50% accuracy
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Pronunciation

The learners' ability to enunciate the various consonants, consonant blends, vowels, and vowel blends in words, words linked together, and words in sentences.

The pronunciation contained some individual word pronunciation errors. Around 3-4 errors
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The pronunciation is exceptional and mirrors a native speaker. Shows a clear understanding of word stress and intonation. Only 0-2 errors
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The pronunciation is inconsistent and made it difficult to understand. 5 or more errors
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edhutchins88's picture
I learn : Chinese (Beginner) French (Beginner) German (Beginner) Portuguese (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner) Arabic (Beginner)
5885

I am very, very impressed with your spoken English, Adrian! You speak clearly, pronouncing words excelently and also put a lot of expression into your voice!

A few comments from me:

1. hidden  - Pay attention to the pronunciation of this word. /ˈhɪdn/. Listen to me saying it a few times.

2. opened  Same goes for this word

3. passed Same goes for this word

4. alien eyl-yuhn

 

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AdrianJZB's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate) Portuguese (Intermediate)
645

As we said in Costa Rica: "pura vida!" In this case means thank you. I reallly appreciate your advices.

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kjcoffin's picture
I learn : Spanish (Intermediate)
2680

That night the storm was so strong than even the ghosts had hidden themselves at the old gothic church, after all they could felt feel that was not a natural storm. Something was trying to pass through the gate of infinite and the old spirits of the town couldn't afford to rest.

 

At some point after midnight a powerful lightning strike stroke struck the lonely park in front of the church (Can also say, "At some point, powerful lightning struck the park in front of the church." You can also say, "At some point after midnight, a powerful lightining strike had stricken the lonely park in front of the church"). The windows of the surrounding houses could hardly (can also use the word "barely" here) stand the expansion wave, in fact several windows finished broken (Can say, "several windows ended up breaking," or, "several windows had been broken"). The electricity ran away after that and the wind howls like if a mad-giant werewolf were was suddenly unleashed. (In this sentence, you should use the word "was" instead of "were" because you are talking about only 1 werewolf)

 

And then the gate opened and a human-shaped being passed through entering to this world. All the ghosts stepped aside as if they needed to kept their inexisting breath while the alien wanderer and started to walk over the grass.

 

The rain stopped, the wind calmed down and then one of the ghosts walked out from its shelter in order to get the foreigner. Once the strange ghost stood in front of the newcomer, the other could hear these words:

 

       - I'm glad your finally here, I waited for a long, long time.

 

       - Almost 7000 years my friend, yours was a long watch indeed.

 

       - 7000 years and now we have no time.

 

Then they fade away on in the mist, and the ghosts whispered gazing to the dark skye sky:

 

       - We should have went to Heaven when we could (can also say, "when we had the chance"), now is too late, Fenrir is on the loose...

 

Nice story. As Ed mentioned above, pay attention to the pronunciation. He has a good British accent for you to listen to

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AdrianJZB's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate) Portuguese (Intermediate)
645

Thank you Kjcoffin, and "pura vida!" for you too

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Ros Watson's picture
I learn : Italian (Beginner) French (Beginner)
5519

Hi Adrian.  Once again, I'd like to say how impressed I am by this story.  Your pronunciation is also pretty good and I particularly liked the expression in your voice when you read it.  We made some changes to the text so I thought the best thing to do was to read my corrected version to you.  My fellow editors have already mentioned some pronunciation points.  I would also add the word "walked"  which is pronounced as one syllable and with a "t" sound at the end.  With past simple verbs ending in "ed", the pronunciation changes, depending on the spelling.  This is because the word would be difficult to pronounce any other way!  So one syllable words ending in "t" or "d" - like "wanted" or "ended" are pronounced as two syllables, ending in the sound "id"; words ending in p/f/s/sh/tch and k are pronounced as one syllable and the final sound is "t"; all other words (for example "enjoy" "save" "play" "clean") all have the ending sound "d".  

Thanks again for this story.  Ros

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
AdrianJZB's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate) Portuguese (Intermediate)
645

Hello Ros, I'm really grateful for your time and help. I will pay more attention to the things you're saying.

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BeckyGreenBeans's picture
I learn : Spanish (Beginner)
4104

Hi Adrian,

This is great, so imaginative!

I think practising your English through creative writing is a great idea as you'll learn new, interesting words and vocabulary as you create new worlds, scenarios and characters.

Thanks, 

Becky :)

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Karin Brauner's picture
I learn : French (Beginner)
1710

Hi! very scary scene! I enjoyed it.

 

A few suggestions - try reading a tiny bit slower so you are pronouncing all your words. later on you can say them quicker - it just seemed that some words mixed into the next words and it sounded odd, but nothing too serious so don't worry too much!

 

I think a bit of practice of pronouncing the following words:

 

It seems you struggle with -ed endings.

 

I also leave a few corrections of grammar like felt instead of feel, infinity instead of infinite, and so on.

 

I'll leave an audio of how to pronounce the list below so you can follow it:

 

 

 

scared

 

hidden

 

gothic

 

felt -feel

 

storm

 

pass through

 

infinite - infinity

 

powerful lighting 

 

 

the electricity ran away - 

 

opened

 

shaped

 

kept - keep

 

started

 

walked

 

 

years

yours

 

 

skye - sky

 

should went - should've gone

 

 

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Karin Brauner's picture
I learn : French (Beginner)
1710

@edmund I couldn't use the audio editor! 

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Aliakbar Majidi's picture
I learn : French (Beginner) Persian (Expert) Spanish (Beginner)
6238

Hi Adrian. Great reading! I liked it mainly because you put emotions in reading the text. Keep up the good work!

Here are some points for you to work on:

Scared Ghosts -> You did not pronounce the ending part of scared. When the last sound of a word and the first sound of the next word are the same, the sound will be pronounced once but when they are different, you should pronounce both.

Storm -> /stɔːrm/

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/storm

Hidden -> /ˈhɪdn/

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/hidden

Themselves -> /ðəmˈselvz/

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/themselves

Pass -> /pæs/

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/pass

Infinite -> /ˈɪnfənət/

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/infinite

Finished -> /ˈfɪnɪʃt/

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/finished

Ran -> /ræn/

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/ran

Opened -> /ˈoʊpənd/

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/open

Passed -> /pæst/

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/pass

Alien -> /ˈeɪliən/

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/alien

Calm -> /kɑːm/

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/calm

Walked -> /wɒːkt/

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/walk

Newcomer -> /ˈnuːkʌmər/

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/newcomer

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