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charlemagne's picture

Te han corregido bien Edmund: pero mira, no te harán...

Monday, October 22, 2018 - 08:14
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Saturday, October 20, 2018 - 18:43
AdalSunday's picture

Muy bien, el texto está bien redactado pero hay algunos...

Saturday, October 20, 2018 - 18:00

TOURISM

I believe that tourism makes more good to society than harm, because It  bring local development, cultural changes, economic grows. It opens   doors for a new way to see and connect the world.

To make a sustainable tourism, local goverments must work in education and environment strategies that being capable to really impact into the local population.

The  biggest threat to society and the environment is coulb be the production of garbage.

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CategoryAdequate to goodGood to ExcellentNeeds work
Grammatical Accuracy

The learners ability to use nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. correctly in sentences, using verb tenses accurately, and having the correct agreement between subjects and predicates. For instance, one would say "they were" instead of "they was."

There are 3-4 grammatical errors
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There are 0-2 grammatical errors
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There are 5 or more grammatical errors
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Punctuation

The learner's ability to use certain marks to clarify meaning of their writing by grouping words grammatically into sentences and clauses and phrases.

There are 3-4 errors in capitalization and punctuation.
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There are 0-2 errors in capitalization and punctuation.
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There are 5 or more errors in capitalization and punctuation.
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Spelling

The learners' ability to form words with the correct letters in the correct order

There are 3-4 spelling errors
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There are 0-2 spelling errors
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There are 5 or more spelling errors
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Style

The learner's ability to tailor the written work to fit the specific context, purpose, or audience

Mostly understandable. However, there are a few errors which cause confusion.
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Easy to understand. Writing flows and keeps reader engaged.
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Quite hard to understand.
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Patricia's picture
I learn : French (Intermediate) Norwegian (Beginner) Russian (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner) Swedish (Beginner) Danish (Beginner) Chinese (Beginner) Dutch (Beginner) Italian (Beginner) Irish (Beginner) Icelandic (Beginner) German (Beginner)
40

I believe that tourism makes more good to society than harm, because It  bring local development, cultural changes, economic grows. It opens   doors for a new way to see and connect the world.  To make a sustainable tourism, local goverments must work in education and environment strategies that being capable to really impact into the local population.   The  biggest threat to society and the environment is coulb be the production of garbage.

I believe that tourism makes creates more good to for society than harm because it brings local development, cultural changes, and economic growth. It opens doors for to a new way to see and connect the world.  To make a sustainable tourism sustainable, local governments must work in with educational and environmental strategies that being are capable to really of impacting into the local population.  The biggest threat to society and the environment is could be the production of garbage.

I believe that tourism creates more good for society than harm because it brings local development, cultural changes, and economic growth. It opens doors to a new way to see and connect the world. To make tourism sustainable, local governments must work with educational and environmental strategies that are capable of impacting the local population. The biggest threat to society and the environment could be the production of garbage.

  1. We wouldn't use make in this context. We could use 'does' to play on the set phrase "does more harm than good" but I've chosen 'create' to add interest. This choice necessitated changing 'to' to 'for'
  2. Optional: style choice could also be "creates more good than harm for society"
  3. Removed comma. Please review rules on using a comma before because as it is not always necessary.
  4. It is only capitalized at the beginning of a sentence.
  5. Bring needs an 's' as it is conjugated in the third person singular.
  6. Inserted 'and' to indicate the completion of a list.
  7. Grows is a verb, growth is a noun.
  8. I changed the 'for' to 'to' in order to sound more natural.
  9. Removed the indefinite article 'a' as tourism is an uncountable noun.
  10. Changed the position of sustainable from before the noun to after the noun to sound more natural.
  11. The word governments was missing the 'n'
  12. Education and environment are nouns, educational and environmental are adjectives.
  13. We work with strategies, not in strategies in English.
  14. Incorrect usage of the gerund form of 'to be'. 
  15. Removed the word really as it weakens your argument. Consider another word such as deeply or profoundly.
  16. Use the gerund form of impact here which necessitates removing to and adding of.
  17. Removed into as superfluous.
  18. Removed is as superfluous - you do not need two verbs here.
  19. Could was mis-spelled.
Comment Rating : 
5
Average: 5 (2 votes)
Joseling's picture
I learn : English (Beginner) French (Beginner)
65

Hi Patricia, thanks for your observations, I really appreciate your time.

I am going to  work so hard on your tips.

Regards,

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edhutchins88's picture
I learn : Chinese (Beginner) French (Beginner) German (Beginner) Portuguese (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner) Arabic (Beginner)
1525

Hello Joseling, 

Welcome to Lingora. Great to have you here. smiley

I completely agree with you - tourism is very beneficial to hosts countries and their local communities. My favourite hobby is travelling and visiting new countries. What about you? What is your favourite hobby? 

With regards to your English, I am very impressed. However, I would recommend you pay close attention to what Patricia has pointed out. Make sure you take her points into account and continue to post audios and texts here on Lingora so native English speakers like us can help you improve! 

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Joseling's picture
I learn : English (Beginner) French (Beginner)
65

Hello Edhutchins88,  nice to meet you.

One of my favourite hobby is gardening, I do love to take of my garden specially my coconuts and veraneras plants.  Actually in my country travelling is kind of expensive hobby so I can say that i like it, but unfortunately I have not the chance and money to do it.

I hope to win lottery soon to travel around the world. just kidding!!! :)

 

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BeckyGreenBeans's picture
I learn : Spanish (Beginner)
1486

Hi!

Thanks for this! 

Well done on your spelling and punctuation! 'Environment' can be a tricky one to get right, I've seen people who I know get it wrong a number of times!

There were just a few errors already mentioned above that caused confusion.

Thanks,

Becky :)

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Ros Watson's picture
I learn : Italian (Beginner) French (Beginner)
2052

A very thoughtful and articulate piece of writing.  Just a few tweaks as you are using quite advanced structures!  Well done and keep posting!

I believe that tourism makes more good to society than harm, [does society more good than harm] because It  bring [stimulates] local development, cultural changes, economic grows [and economic growth]. It opens doors for a new way to see and connect the world.

To make a sustainable tourism [tourism sustainable], local goverments must work in [work on] education [educational] and environment [environnmental] strategies that being [are] capable [of] to  really impact into [impacting] the local population.

The  biggest threat to society and the environment is coulb [could] be the production of garbage.

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