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Aliakbar Majidi's picture

...

Wednesday, December 12, 2018 - 20:02
iman mohammed's picture

Hey Becky,

honestly, it's the first time I know...

Wednesday, December 12, 2018 - 16:02
iman mohammed's picture

I'm grateful for your assistance, absolutely I'll keep...

Wednesday, December 12, 2018 - 16:00
iman mohammed's picture

Thanks a bunch, Ali, you're really fabulous.

Wednesday, December 12, 2018 - 15:57
Sina's picture

Pokušaću u Novoj godini! :D

Tuesday, December 11, 2018 - 18:28

My first pet.

When I was in elementary school, someone would sell baby chickens in front of the school every spring.

Baby chickens were very very cheap. As far as I remember, it cost ten or twenty cents in dollar at that time.

Me and my siblings bought them a few times.

Living with chickens is one of my best memories in my childhood.

And it also gave me more information about animals than watching an animal documentary.

For example, I thought all animals had the same face so they wouldn't recognize themselves by their faces.

And especially animals that had a low IQ such as chickens, I presumed that they didn't have their own languages to speak each other.

But I realized chickens had different faces and they had their own voices so we could easily find out how they felt like.

I don't raise any animals right now since I realize it is really a hard work and takes a great responsibility.

But I really love to see chickens on SNS.

I didn't know a lot of people around the world were raising chickens as a pet in their yard or inside the house.

It is hard to face the fact that knowing how chickens' characteristics are and almost every chicken is suffering from livestock industry.

The worst part is I don't do anything to help chickens such as becoming a vegetarian or helping them in other way.

I wish I would help chickens to have a better life.

I saw some people adopt chickens rescued from street where they were being abandoned or from a chicken factory where they were going to die anyway not as a food.

If I had a chance I would adopt chickens from there.

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Grammatical Accuracy

The learners ability to use nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. correctly in sentences, using verb tenses accurately, and having the correct agreement between subjects and predicates. For instance, one would say "they were" instead of "they was."

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sukipuki's picture
I learn : Chinese (Beginner) Russian (Beginner)
15

Hello OTE

I am Colette. Nice little story. 

I like the sentance ' Living with chickens is one of the best memories of my childhood"

I would begin your story with this sentance. It is a nice lead in to what you will talk about.

' people would sell chickens'    'at the time they  only cost about 20 cents for one.'

I am never sure what to say either... me and my siblings or my siblings and i ?  I hear people say both ways for this structure all the time.

' I have learned chickens have their own charactoristics and individual personalities and even different voices. So we could  easily tell how they felt.

I have seen people rescue abandoned chickens off the streets and from closed factories.  

 

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OnTheEarth's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate)
300

Thank you very much, Colette. :D

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Aliakbar Majidi's picture
I learn : French (Beginner) Farsi (Expert)
420

Hi, OnTheEarth. I read your story and liked it. It is very cute you are thinking about the little chicks having no home or a place to go. Your writing is very good and you are on the path to learning much better English. I tried to make minimal modifications to your story concerning linguistic issues. Check and see if it helps. You can post more stories and learn more.

 

My First Pet.

When I was in elementary school, someone would sell baby chickens chicks in front of the school every spring.

Baby chickens The chicks were very very really cheap. As far as I remember, it they cost ten or twenty cents in dollar at that the time.

Me and my siblings My siblings and I bought them a few times.

Living with chickens chicks is one of my best memories in from my childhood.

And it also gave me more information about animals than watching an animal documentary.

For example, I thought all animals had the same face so they wouldn't recognize themselves by their faces.

And especially animals that had a low IQ such as chickens chicks, I presumed that they didn't (It is better not to use contractions in writing, unless you are writing very informally) have their own languages to speak to each other.

But I realized chickens had different faces each chick had a different face and they had their own voices so we could easily find out how they felt like.

I don't raise am not raising any animals right now since I realize it is really a hard work and takes a great responsibility.

But I really love to see chickens chicks on SNS.

I didn't know a lot of people around the world were raising chickens chicks as a pets in their yard or inside the house.

It is hard to face the fact that (???) knowing (Is it hard to face knowing the characteristics of chicks?)  how what chickens’ characteristics of chicks are and almost every chicken chick is suffering from livestock industry.

The worst part is I don't do anything to help chickens chicks such as becoming a vegetarian or helping them in other ways.

I wish I would help chickens chicks to have a better life.

I saw some people adopt chickens chicks rescued from street where they were being abandoned or from a chicken factory where they were going to die anyway because of not having as a food.

If I had a chance I would adopt chickens chicks from there.

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OnTheEarth's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate)
300

Thank you very much, Aliakbar. For the ones (It is hard to face the fact ~~), perhaps I should have divided the sentence into two. I was trying to say, 'Most chicks are in factories these days and their welfare are really terrible. So as a person who knows chicks more than other people who doesn't know chicks well, it is hard to watch them suffering.'

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Aliakbar Majidi's picture
I learn : French (Beginner) Farsi (Expert)
420

Hi again. Yes, I think breaking the sentence in two separate ones is what you should do. That way you can express yourself much better. Good Luck!

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OnTheEarth's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate)
300

Thank you, Aliakbar :)

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BeckyGreenBeans's picture
I learn : Spanish (Beginner)
2171

Hey! Thank you for this. Your spelling is accurate, so well done on this!

I've rewritten the extract with some changes:

My First Pet.

- When I was in elementary school, someone used to sell chicks in front of the school every spring.

- Chicks were extremely cheap. As far as I remember, it cost ten or twenty cents at that time.

- My siblings and I bought these animals a few times.

- Living with chicks is one of my best memories of childhood - (Alternative way of phrasing this)

- 'Recongize' is American English and 'Recognise' is British English

- Be careful when starting sentences with 'And'. I would rephrase your fifth sentence as: By looking after animals, I learnt more about them than I did by watching an animal documentary.

- For example, I thought all animals had the same face, so they wouldn't recognise one another just by looking at one another. 

- I presumed that animals such as chickens with a low IQ would not be able to communicate.

- However, I realised that chickens have different faces and that they have their own voices, so we can easily find out how they feel. - (Make sure you speak in present tense here)

- I don't raise any animals right now, since I have realised that it is really hard work and takes great responsibility.

- However, I really love to see chickens on SNS. - (It's better to write out what letters stand for first, then write (SNS) in brackets next to it)

- I didn't know a lot of people around the world were raising chickens as a pet in their yard or inside the house.

- It is difficult knowing that almost every chicken is suffering within the livestock industry.

- The worst part is I don't do anything to help chickens, such as becoming a vegetarian or helping them in other way.

- I wish I would help chickens to have a better life.

- I saw some people adopt chicks who had been rescued from a street where they were had been abandoned, and from a chicken factory where they were going to die and be used as food.

- If I had a chance, I would adopt chicks from there.

Thanks,

Becky :)

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