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Aliakbar Majidi's picture

Hi, Menahem. Good job again! Your pronunciation sounds...

17 hours 52 min ago
Aliakbar Majidi's picture

Hi, Barbara. Good job! You speak English very well,...

Wednesday, May 22, 2019 - 19:09
Aliakbar Majidi's picture

Hi, Mehahem. Ed is right, you speak English wonderfully...

Wednesday, May 22, 2019 - 18:53
Aliakbar Majidi's picture

The areas you should study at least about are the...

Wednesday, May 22, 2019 - 18:34
Aliakbar Majidi's picture

Hi, Adriano. You have done a great job! Ed has already...

Wednesday, May 22, 2019 - 18:20

hi, i wrote a paragraph about places in Lebanon to visit, Could you please help me to point out the mistakes.

Dear Mira,

 

I felt elated when you have informed that you will come to Lebanon on a Christmas holiday. You need this vacation to release out all the pressure you have from work, and it is a great pleasure to make me your partner on this trip, but I have to tell you that I am not a person who knows a lot of places, because I’m rarely go far away from Beirut, which is the cosmopolitan, capital of Lebanon, and well-known as “Paris of the middle east”. I have started to ask my friends and searched online for the most spectacular places to visit. First, We will book a room at Intercontinental Mzaar, it is five stars and located in Ouyoun El Simane, Kfardebiane, the resort decoration is a combination between the modern and old-fashioned style. You will enjoy the adorable views of mountains and trees sceneries, the resort contains spa classes, cinema, and a lot of enjoyable activities such as climbing, hiking, biking, and horse-riding. Luckily, the hotel is close to archeological areas and entertaining places. So we don’t have to be anxious about the places to visit because our next movement will be to the ruins in Lebanon, such as ruins of Phoenician, Baalbek ruins, Roman Temple, Umayyad ruins of Anjar, such places have seen a long history of wars and disputes. Then we will visit other pristine places like Rawshe, Manara, Jeitta Grotto. After that, we can go to taste the Lebanese popular delicious food like Falafel, Kibbeh, Tabbouleh, Hummus, Kafta, Knafeh, and Shawarma the dream of a lot of people. Also, I would not definitely forget to take you to the snow, the place that you can’t see in UAE. So we will go sledding, build a snowman, and have a snowball fight.

Moreover, I am looking forward to see you around, my best wishes to enjoy a safe flight.

 

P.S.: Don’t forget to bring clothes that will keep you warm, the weather is quite freezing here.

 

Sincerely              

                                                                                                                                                                                                Iman        

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Grammatical Accuracy

The learners ability to use nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. correctly in sentences, using verb tenses accurately, and having the correct agreement between subjects and predicates. For instance, one would say "they were" instead of "they was."

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Punctuation

The learner's ability to use certain marks to clarify meaning of their writing by grouping words grammatically into sentences and clauses and phrases.

There are 3-4 errors in capitalization and punctuation.
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There are 0-2 errors in capitalization and punctuation.
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There are 5 or more errors in capitalization and punctuation.
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Spelling

The learners' ability to form words with the correct letters in the correct order

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Style

The learner's ability to tailor the written work to fit the specific context, purpose, or audience

Mostly understandable. However, there are a few errors which cause confusion.
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Easy to understand. Writing flows and keeps reader engaged.
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Quite hard to understand.
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Aliakbar Majidi's picture
I learn : French (Beginner) Persian (Expert) Spanish (Beginner)
3498

Hi Iman. You did a great job with this piece of writing. Actually, I did not know much about the touristic areas of Lebanon but know I am familiar with some of them. Keep on the good job. I made minimum modifications to your text. Please check below:

 

Dear Mira,

I felt elated when you have informed (for specific times, present perfect is not used) me (inform is a transitive verb) that you will come to Lebanon on a Christmas holidays. You need this vacation to release out all the pressure you have from work, and it is a great pleasure to that you will make me (to conveys that the action is done by the same person) your partner on this trip, but I have to tell you that I am not a person who knows a lot of places, because I’m rarely go far away from Beirut, which is the cosmopolitan, capital of Lebanon, and well-known as “Paris of the middle east”. I have started to ask my friends and to searched online for the most spectacular places to visit. First, We will book a room at Intercontinental Mzaar, it is five-stars and located in Ouyoun El Simane, Kfardebiane, the resort decoration is a combination between of the modern and old-fashioned style. You will enjoy the adorable views of mountains and trees sceneries, the resort contains spa classes (sessions maybe?), cinema, and a lot of enjoyable activities such as climbing, hiking, biking, and horse-riding. Luckily, the hotel is close to archeological areas and entertaining places. So (If this is a formal writing, therefore is the superior choice here), we don’t have to be anxious about the places to visit because our next movement destination will be to the ruins in Lebanon, such as for instance, ruins of Phoenician, Baalbek ruins, Roman Temple, Umayyad ruins of Anjar,. Such places have seen a long history of wars and disputes. Then we will visit other pristine places like Rawshe, Manara, Jeitta Grotto. After that, we can go to taste the Lebanese popular delicious foods (Here, you are talking about some instances of Lebanese food) like Falafel, Kibbeh, Tabbouleh, Hummus, Kafta, Knafeh, and Shawarma the dream of a lot of people (Does it mean it is popular?). Also, I would not should definitely not forget to take you to the snow (Is this the name of a place?), the place that you can’t see in UAE. So we will go sledding, build a snowman, and have a snowball fight.

Moreover, I am looking forward to seeing you around, my best wishes for you to enjoy a safe flight.

 

P.S.: Don’t forget to bring warm clothes that will keep you warm, the weather is quite freezing here.

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iman mohammed's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate)
532

Thanks a bunch, Ali, you're really fabulous.

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edmundhutchings's picture
I learn : English (Beginner) French (Beginner) Portuguese (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner) German (Beginner)
788

Hello Imam,

 

Like Aliakbar, I'm really impressed with your written English. Aliakbar has done a great job of correcting your text.

Here are just a few of my suggestions:

1. "You need this vacation to release out all the pressure you have from work," I know what you are saying here, but (personally) I would say this differently. I would say something like "You need this vacation. You deserve a much-needed break from your stressful/busy job"

2. "I rarely go far away from Beirut"  I would say something like "I rarely venture out of Beirut" (sounds more colloquial)

 

Great job overall yes make sure you continue to share your work on here so people like us can help you improve. :)

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iman mohammed's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate)
532

I'm grateful for your assistance, absolutely I'll keep remembering these words.

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BeckyGreenBeans's picture
I learn : Spanish (Beginner)
3919

Hey! 

Thanks for this, really enjoyable read.

It looks like you have a good knowledge of when to capitalise proper nouns, like places, just remember you don't need capital letters for food. i.e.: falafel, kibbeh, tabbouleh, hummus, kafta, knafeh and shawarma.

Thanks,

Becky :)

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iman mohammed's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate)
532

Hey Becky,

honestly, it's the first time I know about the capital letters for food. my gratitude knows no bounds for you. 

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Ros Watson's picture
I learn : Italian (Beginner) French (Beginner)
3584

Hi

Very good.  Lots of information and Lebanon sounds a wonderful place to visit.  I've made a few changes!  Hope it' not too late.  I've been ill with flu for 2 weeks.

Best wishes  Ros

Dear Mira

I felt elated when you have informed [me] [We just need the past simple here.  Also, after the word “informed” you need to add the person who was informed, in this case “me”] that you will come [be coming – use the present continuous here] to Lebanon on a [for the] Christmas holiday. You need this vacation to release out all the pressure you have [accumulated] from work.  and It is a great pleasure to make me  [for me to be] your partner on this trip, but I have to tell you that I am not a person who knows a lot of places.  because I’m [This sentence was much too long so I’ve broken it up]. I rarely go far away from Beirut, which is the cosmopolitan, capital of Lebanon, and well-known as “[the]Paris of the middle east”. I have started to ask my friends and searched online for the most spectacular places to visit. First, We will book a room at Intercontinental Mzaar, . It is five stars and located in Ouyoun El Simane, Kfardebiane, the resort decoration is a combination between the modern and old-fashioned style. You will enjoy the adorable [“adorable” is a word better suited to people or animals] [spectacular/amazing] views of mountains and trees. sceneries, The resort contains spa classes, cinema, and a lot of enjoyable activities such as climbing, hiking, biking, and horse-riding. Luckily, the hotel is close to archeological areas and entertaining places. So we don’t have to be anxious about the places to visit because our next movement [not quite sure what you mean by “movement” - Perhaps “trip?] will be to the ruins in Lebanon, such as ruins of Phoenician, Baalbek ruins, Roman Temple, Umayyad ruins of Anjar.  [New sentence here] Such places have seen a long history of wars and disputes. Then we will visit other [pristine – don’t quite know why you’ve chosen this word – it means unspoilt or perfect but is usually more about cleanliness etc – “beautiful” might be a better word here?] places like Rawshe, Manara, Jeitta Grotto. After that, we can go to taste the Lebanese delicious popular [when deciding the order of adjectives, always put an opinion (delicious) before a fact (popular) food like Falafel, Kibbeh, Tabbouleh, Hummus, Kafta, Knafeh, and Shawarma the dream of a lot of people. Also, I would definitely not [change the word order here] forget to take you to the snow, the place that you can’t see in UAE. So we will go sledding, build a snowman, and have a snowball fight.

Moreover, I am looking forward to see[ing] you around.

 

My best wishes to enjoy [for] a safe flight.

 

P.S.: Don’t forget to bring clothes that will keep you warm, . tThe weather is quite freezing [“freezing is an extreme adjective so “quite” would not be appropriate here.  “absolutely freezing” is fine though.]

Dear Mira,

 

I felt elated when you have informed [me] [We just need the past simple here.  Also, after the word “informed” you need to add the person who was informed, in this case “me”] that you will come [be coming – use the present continuous here] to Lebanon on a [for the] Christmas holiday. You need this vacation to release out all the pressure you have [accumulated] from work.  and It is a great pleasure to make me  [for me to be] your partner on this trip, but I have to tell you that I am not a person who knows a lot of places.  because I’m [This sentence was much too long so I’ve broken it up]. I rarely go far away from Beirut, which is the cosmopolitan, capital of Lebanon, and well-known as “[the]Paris of the middle east”. I have started to ask my friends and searched online for the most spectacular places to visit. First, We will book a room at Intercontinental Mzaar, . It is five stars and located in Ouyoun El Simane, Kfardebiane, the resort decoration is a combination between the modern and old-fashioned style. You will enjoy the adorable [“adorable” is a word better suited to people or animals] [spectacular/amazing] views of mountains and trees. sceneries, The resort contains spa classes, cinema, and a lot of enjoyable activities such as climbing, hiking, biking, and horse-riding. Luckily, the hotel is close to archeological areas and entertaining places. So we don’t have to be anxious about the places to visit because our next movement [not quite sure what you mean by “movement” - Perhaps “trip?] will be to the ruins in Lebanon, such as ruins of Phoenician, Baalbek ruins, Roman Temple, Umayyad ruins of Anjar.  [New sentence here] Such places have seen a long history of wars and disputes. Then we will visit other [pristine – don’t quite know why you’ve chosen this word – it means unspoilt or perfect but is usually more about cleanliness etc – “beautiful” might be a better word here?] places like Rawshe, Manara, Jeitta Grotto. After that, we can go to taste the Lebanese delicious popular [when deciding the order of adjectives, always put an opinion (delicious) before a fact (popular) food like Falafel, Kibbeh, Tabbouleh, Hummus, Kafta, Knafeh, and Shawarma the dream of a lot of people. Also, I would definitely not [change the word order here] forget to take you to the snow, the place that you can’t see in UAE. So we will go sledding, build a snowman, and have a snowball fight.

Moreover, I am looking forward to see[ing] you around.

 

My best wishes to enjoy [for] a safe flight.

 

P.S.: Don’t forget to bring clothes that will keep you warm, . tThe weather is quite freezing [“freezing is an extreme adjective so “quite” would not be appropriate here.  “absolutely freezing” is fine though.]

 

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