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Hi, Aliakbar! Thank you! By "fall went entirely...

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Hi, Oleks. Well done! Keep it up!

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Nana Maj's picture
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Sunday, August 18, 2019 - 20:30

(If you see it, you’ll take your life)

This paragraph represents my opinion regarding Bird Box Movie 

(If you see it, you’ll take your life)

This movie shows many important traits that are missing in our lives. The first important one is PATIENCE. Being patient in awful situations, accept living in unwanted events and therefore being responsible to find solutions. That's what the mother did in the movie when she had to live in terrible events, but this didn't prevent her from taking the responsibility of raising two children and survive. If you look at people in our society today, you’ll find a lot of parents who have left their children, killed them for unreasonable reasons.

The second trait is SACRIFICING. Imagine a person who would accept to sacrifice in his life for you. Being unselfish, that’s exactly what we need to live happier. People should start to understand that sacrificing is not a description created only for mothers or for those who are in love. You can also sacrifice for those people you'll meet them for the first time. That’s what Charlie did when he sacrificed with his life to save the lives of four people he met them for the first time

The third trait is about FAITH. We have to believe that regardless of any situation, we can reach everything we want if we believe in ourselves. That’s what the mother did when Rick told her it is an impossible mission to pass through the river without losing any of the team, but she believed that she will make it and she did it.

Ultimately, much respect for those who don’t depend on their eyes to see how life look like (blind people), but instead they follow their heart to live happily with teaching us how silly we are when we focus on our daily life’s problems.

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Grammatical Accuracy

The learners ability to use nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. correctly in sentences, using verb tenses accurately, and having the correct agreement between subjects and predicates. For instance, one would say "they were" instead of "they was."

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Aliakbar Majidi's picture
I learn : French (Beginner) Persian (Expert) Spanish (Beginner)
5908

Hi, Iman. Another great piece of writing by you! It is great you are continuing your efforts to learn English. Keep up the good work. Although I have not watched the movie yet, I understand your point in the text very well. I read it and made some modifications. Please take a look.

This paragraph represents my opinion regarding Bird Box Movie 

(If you see it, it’ll take your life)

This The movie shows many important traits that are missing in our lives. The first important (Redundant) one is PATIENCE. Being patient in awful situations, accepting to live (Parallel structure) during unwanted events (“Incidents” would be a better choice since it conveys unpleasant happenings.) and, therefore, being responsible to find solutions are what the mother did in the movie when she had to live during terrible events. However (This is more formal that “but”.), this didn't prevent her from taking  the responsibility for raising two children and surviving. If you look at people in our society today, you’ll find a lot of parents who have left (“abandoned”) their children or have killed them for unreasonable reasons.

The second trait is SACRIFICING. Imagine a person who would accept to sacrifice in his life for you. Being unselfish, that’s exactly what we need to live happier more happily (Here, you are modifying a verb and you need an adverb not an adjective). People should start to understand that sacrificing is not a description concept created only for mothers or for those who are in love. You can also sacrifice for those people you meet them for the first time. That’s (Contractions are not suitable for writing.) what Charlie did when he sacrificed with his life to save the lives of four people he met them for the first time

The third trait is about FAITH. We have to believe that, regardless of any situation, we can reach everything we want if we believe in ourselves. That’s what the mother did when Rick told her it was an impossible mission to pass through the river without losing any member of the team, but she believed that she could make it and she did it.

Ultimately, much respect for those who don’t depend on their eyes to see how life looks like (blind people), but instead they follow their heart to live happily by teaching us how silly we are when we focus on our daily life’s problems.

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iman mohammed's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate)
532

Thanks Ali

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edhutchins88's picture
I learn : Chinese (Beginner) French (Beginner) German (Beginner) Portuguese (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner) Arabic (Beginner)
5335

Hello Iman,

I watched Bird Box the other day on Netflix and really enjoyed it! - it was an incredibly gripping film!!

 I completely agree with you - the movie focuses on characters who are incredibly emotionally strong. The mother was an inspiration! I don't know if I would be as brave and determined as her in a situation like that though! Do you think you would be? 

With regards to your English writing skills, it is getting increasingly hard to find things you need to work on! It just shows how much you are improving yes So make sure you keep practicing. 

Aliakbar has pointed out virtually all of the corrections which you need to focus on. I would just add the following points. 

1. being responsible to find solutions being responsible for finding solutions. Take a look at this article which clearly explains why the perposition "for" is normally used after the word responsible (http://learnersdictionary.com/qa/What-preposition-should-be-used-after-responsible-)

2. who would accept to sacrifice in his life for you - In this instance, the noun sacrifice does not require any prepositions before or after it. Therefore you would not need the "accept to" You would say who would sacrifice his life for you. 

3. Ultimately, much respect for those who don’t depend on their eyes - Ultimately we should have a lot of respect for those who don't depend on their eyes / sight (I think it makes it clearer if you use "we" as you are giving your opinions on how we should all be. 

 

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iman mohammed's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate)
532

yes Edhutchins88 , I am doing my best to keep improving in the English language. Thank you for your always support. 

regarding your question, I feel that I am the kind of person who doesn't surrender easily especially if the problem was relevant to the people I care. I know that I will be brave and do my best  to save them from unpleasant situations.smiley

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Ros Watson's picture
I learn : Italian (Beginner) French (Beginner)
5084

Hi Iman

A very thought-provoking piece of work as usual!

I have a few changes:

I would say "Being patient in awful situations and tolerating life in difficult circumstances forces a person to find solutions.  When you start a sentence with the gerund or "ing" form of a verb, continue this throughout the sentence.  Also, if you're talking about "living" I think "circumstances" is more suitable than "events" as it shows that this part of life is ongoing.  You take responsibility for something but when we're talking about something as major and long-term as raising children it's good to say "taking on the responsibility of raising two children and surviving" (Again, keep to the same tense here).  

If you're talking about people who have left their children, "abandoned" is a better word.

When you say "accept to sacrifice" I would change this to "be prepared to sacrifice" and you need an object here - for example "sacrifice things" unless you mean that the person is prepared to actually sacrifice his own life?  (in which case you don't need to use "in").  

When you say "for those people you'll meet them for the first time" instead say "for those peope you meet for the first time".  We need the present tense here and when we refer to "those people" - this is the object and we don't need the object pronoun "them" as well.

Say "We can achieve everything we want" rather than "reach".  

Watch your tenses in the next sentence:  "That's what the mother did when Rick told her it was an imposssible mission"  "but he believed that she would make it and she did".

Say "to see what life looks like" or "to see how life looks".  I wouldn't use "they" - just "instead follow their hearts" ("hearts" is plural to agree with "those"). 

I would change the last phrase a bit to read "which teaches us how silly we are when we focus life's everyday problems."

Well done though, as always!

Ros

 

 

 

 

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iman mohammed's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate)
532

thanks a lot Ros

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BeckyGreenBeans's picture
I learn : Spanish (Beginner)
4094

Hi,

Thanks for this. 

The way you've structured this reads like a story, which was very engaging.

I like the way that you've concluded the extract at the end too. 

Keep it up!

Thanks,

Becky :)

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