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natalia clow's picture

Hola, en vista de que el comentario de Shazam 7 está muy...

24 min 33 sec ago
edhutchins88's picture

Hi Oleks,

It sounds like there is trouble ahead...

6 hours 59 min ago
Oleks's picture

Thank you, Kealin!

17 hours 57 min ago
Oleks's picture

Hi Kealin! Thank you! "Won't be able to" sounds better...

17 hours 59 min ago
Oleks's picture

Hi Ed! Thank you! I will need to learn conditional...

18 hours 11 sec ago

Notes for repairing a computer

( I'm working as an IT help desk and this sentence is regarding it. If a computer is broken I send it to the third vendor for repair)

When we send a failure computer for repair, we need to disconnect the computer from the company network and format it before shipping in order to avoid the internal information to be disclosed to a third party.

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Grammatical Accuracy

The learners ability to use nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. correctly in sentences, using verb tenses accurately, and having the correct agreement between subjects and predicates. For instance, one would say "they were" instead of "they was."

There are 3-4 grammatical errors
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Punctuation

The learner's ability to use certain marks to clarify meaning of their writing by grouping words grammatically into sentences and clauses and phrases.

There are 3-4 errors in capitalization and punctuation.
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Spelling

The learners' ability to form words with the correct letters in the correct order

There are 3-4 spelling errors
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Style

The learner's ability to tailor the written work to fit the specific context, purpose, or audience

Mostly understandable. However, there are a few errors which cause confusion.
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Easy to understand. Writing flows and keeps reader engaged.
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Quite hard to understand.
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Aliakbar Majidi's picture
I learn : French (Beginner) Persian (Expert) Spanish (Beginner)
6248

Hi Suzu. Well done! I believe your job is truly demanding because the problems people have with their computers are sometimes difficult to explain or do not happen regularly. Regarding your text, here is a rewritten version, please take a look.

Notes For (on) Repairing A Computer

(I'm working as an IT help desk staff and this sentence is regarding it. If a computer is broken, I send it to the a third-party vendor for repair)

When we send a failure failed computer for repair, we need to disconnect the computer from the company network and format it before shipping in order to avoid the internal information to be disclosed to a third party.

Remember that the more you post and get corrected, the further you improve your English skills. Keep posting and improving!

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Suzu's picture
Suzu :
I learn : English (Intermediate)
205

Thank you for correcting my sentences every time! This one is what I tried to say but couldn't in English when I talked to the user in my job today.

I believe I will improve my English skills if I keep posting here. Thank you again!

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kjcoffin's picture
I learn : Spanish (Intermediate)
2743

( I'm working as at an IT help desk and this sentence is regarding it. If a computer is broken I send it to the third vendor for repair)

When we send a failure  failed computer for repair (You can also say, "When we send a computer that has failed for repair), we need to disconnect the computer from the company network and format it before shipping in order to avoid the internal information to be disclosed to a third party.

 

 

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Suzu's picture
Suzu :
I learn : English (Intermediate)
205

Thank you for your help!

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edhutchins88's picture
I learn : Chinese (Beginner) French (Beginner) German (Beginner) Portuguese (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner) Arabic (Beginner)
5940

Hi Suzu,

Do you enjoy your job? Do you have to work long hours or do you get plenty of time off to go on holiday?

With regards to your written English, Kjcoffin and Aliakbar have done a good job of evaluating it.

I would add the following.

1. Instead of using the word "failed computer" I would use an adjective like "faulty" or "malfunctioning". (These adjectives are more commonly used when we refer to machines).

2. With regards to this phrase "before shipping in order to avoid the internal information to be disclosed to a third party" I would change this to the following "before shipping the order (you don't need the preposition "in") to avoid internal information being disclosed to a third party" (as this is is an ongoing process, it is more suitable to use the present continuous tense)

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Suzu's picture
Suzu :
I learn : English (Intermediate)
205

Thank you for your comment. I enjoy my job and don't have overtime, so I can balance work and study.

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Ros Watson's picture
I learn : Italian (Beginner) French (Beginner)
5519

Hi Suzu

I would agree with Ed and use "faulty" instead of failed.  I would also add that after the verb "avoid" we don't use the infinitive "avoid .....to be disclosed".  Instead we use the gerund: "avoid.....being disclosed".  So we would avoid getting angry, for example or avoid paying too much rather than to get angry or to pay too much.  I hope this helps.  Please don't hesitate to post again if you need any further help.

Ros

 

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Suzu's picture
Suzu :
I learn : English (Intermediate)
205

I always used the infinitive with the verb "avoid".. I will use the gerund. Your advice is very helpful. Thank you!

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