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Alind's picture

Helew

1 hour 21 min ago
Aliakbar Majidi's picture

Hi, Oleks. Another compelling series of texts by you! I...

5 hours 38 min ago
Lynette's picture

Oleks you are very committed to learning English and I...

5 hours 50 min ago
Ros Watson's picture

Hi...

7 hours 42 min ago
Lynette's picture

Gracias Shazam por tu...

10 hours 47 min ago

Jump 15

By chance, I looked down and was stunned to see a white mass that just fell out of my front satchel. At first, I could not understand what was going on. Only when this mass began to go up slowly ahead of me, I realized that it was my reserve parachute. It, as expected, opened at an altitude of 200 meters because, in joy, I completely forgot to disconnect it from the opening device. So, I hung on the slings and watched while the dome of the second parachute was filling with air and raising. Seeing this, I probably felt the same way a mouse feels when a cobra's head slowly rises in front of it.

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CategoryAdequate to goodGood to ExcellentNeeds work
Accent

The learner's ability to pronounce words shared by the people of a particular country or region of the language they are learning.

Good effort at accent. Quite close to that of a native speaker
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Excellent effort at accent. Extremely close to that of a native speaker.
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Limited effort at accent. Definitely a non-native speaker
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Fluency

The learner's ability to speak continuously by chunking and linking words together. For example, instead of saying very slowly, "I - am - poor. I - have - no - money" like a robot, a fluent speaker would say, "I'm poor because I don't have any money."

Speech is relatively smooth; some hesitation and unevenness caused by rephrasing and searching for words
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Smooth and fluid speech; few to no hesitations; no attempts to search for words; volume is excellent
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5
Speech is frequently hesitant with some sentences left uncompleted
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Intonation

The learner's ability to understand the relative emphasis that may be given to certain syllables in a word, or to certain words in a phrase or sentence

Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with 50-90% accuracy.
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Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with 90-100% accuracy.
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Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with < 50% accuracy
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Pronunciation

The learners' ability to enunciate the various consonants, consonant blends, vowels, and vowel blends in words, words linked together, and words in sentences.

The pronunciation contained some individual word pronunciation errors. Around 3-4 errors
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The pronunciation is exceptional and mirrors a native speaker. Shows a clear understanding of word stress and intonation. Only 0-2 errors
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The pronunciation is inconsistent and made it difficult to understand. 5 or more errors
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Ros Watson's picture
I learn : Italian (Beginner) French (Beginner)
5164

Very little here that needed changing but I'm getting so involved in the story and the writing is so good, I just wanted to tweak things a bit!  I've pasted the definition of the word "billow" below as it seems to paint quite an accurate picture of your reserve parachute as it started to fill with air!  I can't wait to find out what happened next!

Your pronunciation was good too and your intonation had more variation than in the past.  An excellent post!!

By chance, I looked down and was stunned to see a white mass that just fell out of my front satchel [or you could use the word "billowing" here - for example "to see a white mass billowing out of my front satchel]. At first, I could not understand what was going on. Only when this mass began to go rise up slowly ahead of me, I realized that it was my reserve parachute. It opened, as expected, at an altitude of 200 meters because, in my excitement joy, I had completely forgotten to disconnect it from the opening device. So, I hung on the slings and watched while the dome of the second parachute was filling with air and raising ascending. Seeing this, I probably felt the same way a mouse feels when a cobra's head slowly rises in front of it.

 
 
 
 
billow
/ˈbɪləʊ/
noun
  1. 1.
    a large undulating mass of something, typically cloud, smoke, or steam.
    synonyms: cloudmass
    "billows of smoke"
verb
  1. 1.
    (of fabric) fill with air and swell outwards.
    "her dress billowed out around her"
    synonyms: puff up/out, balloon (out), swell, fill out, bulge out, belly out
    "her dress billowed out around her"
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
2725

Hi Ros,
Thank you for your comment!  Actually, the parachute first fell from the satchel, and only after that it began to rise. The word "billowing" fits to the second phase when after falling down the parachute began to fill with air.

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Aliakbar Majidi's picture
I learn : French (Beginner) Persian (Expert) Spanish (Beginner)
5998

Excellent job, Oleks. Keep going!

By chance, I looked down and was stunned to see a white mass that just fell out of my front satchel [Do you mean the white mass came out of your satchel?]. At first, I could not understand what was going on. Only when this mass began to go up slowly ahead of me, I realized that it was my reserve parachute. It opened, as expected, opened at an altitude of 200 meters because, in my excitement joy, I had completely forgotten to disconnect it from the opening device. So, I hung on the slings and watched while the dome of the second parachute was filling with air and raising rising [“Raise” is transitive but “rise” is intransitive]. Seeing this, I probably felt the same way a mouse feels when a cobra's head slowly rises [correct usage!] in front of it.

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
2725

Hi Aliakbar,
Yes, came out, but the parachute first fell, and only after falling down it began to rise.

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Lynette's picture
I learn : Spanish (Intermediate)
460

Very interesting story, once again Oleks.

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
2725

Hi Lynette,
Thank you!

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kjcoffin's picture
I learn : Spanish (Intermediate)
2230

By chance, I looked down and was stunned to see a white mass that just fell out of my front satchel. At first, I could not understand what was going on. Only when this mass began to go up slowly ahead of me, I realized that it was my reserve parachute. It, as expected, As expected, it opened at an altitude of 200 meters because I was so excited and joyful that I completely forgot to disconnect it from the opening device. So, I hung on the slings and watched while the dome of the second parachute was filling with air and raising. Seeing this, I probably felt the same way a mouse feels when a cobra's head slowly rises in front of it

 

Nice job, interesting story

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
2725

Hi Kjcoffin,
Thank you for your comment and the useful corrections!

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