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Natali Lima's picture

Hi Ed. I have plans to record each tip at a time so I'll...

9 hours 26 min ago
kjcoffin's picture

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Tuesday, November 12, 2019 - 20:40
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Tuesday, November 12, 2019 - 20:38
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Tuesday, November 12, 2019 - 20:26
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Tuesday, November 12, 2019 - 20:22

Desert 72

Suddenly silence reined. I did not immediately notice that the storm abated but after a few beats of my heart, being in a blissful flight.
"It's time to return to the real world," I told myself.
I began to shake out the sand poured on the hood before untying it and removing it from my head. I did not even have time to do it before I heard a new sound that made me freeze. It was a hiss from above. I heard this sound before but at first, I didn't even understand what it was. Although I already felt that it was something bad, the conjecture was so implausible that the mind first tried to find out the other reasons for this.
Then it struck to me: this can be nothing but the rustle of many flying arrows.

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CategoryAdequate to goodGood to ExcellentNeeds work
Accent

The learner's ability to pronounce words shared by the people of a particular country or region of the language they are learning.

Good effort at accent. Quite close to that of a native speaker
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Excellent effort at accent. Extremely close to that of a native speaker.
People thought this
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Limited effort at accent. Definitely a non-native speaker
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Fluency

The learner's ability to speak continuously by chunking and linking words together. For example, instead of saying very slowly, "I - am - poor. I - have - no - money" like a robot, a fluent speaker would say, "I'm poor because I don't have any money."

Speech is relatively smooth; some hesitation and unevenness caused by rephrasing and searching for words
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Smooth and fluid speech; few to no hesitations; no attempts to search for words; volume is excellent
People thought this
2
Speech is frequently hesitant with some sentences left uncompleted
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Intonation

The learner's ability to understand the relative emphasis that may be given to certain syllables in a word, or to certain words in a phrase or sentence

Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with 50-90% accuracy.
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Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with 90-100% accuracy.
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Able to identify and produce correct intonation, word stress and rhythm patterns with < 50% accuracy
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Pronunciation

The learners' ability to enunciate the various consonants, consonant blends, vowels, and vowel blends in words, words linked together, and words in sentences.

The pronunciation contained some individual word pronunciation errors. Around 3-4 errors
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The pronunciation is exceptional and mirrors a native speaker. Shows a clear understanding of word stress and intonation. Only 0-2 errors
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The pronunciation is inconsistent and made it difficult to understand. 5 or more errors
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Aliakbar Majidi's picture
I learn : French (Beginner) Persian (Expert) Spanish (Beginner)
6848

Hi Oleks, well done! Keep it up.

Suddenly, [comma needed] silence reined. I did not immediately notice that the storm had [Because it happened before you noticing it] abated but after a few beats of my heart, being in a blissful flight, I told myself, "It's time to return to the real world." [I connected these two because your sentence which ended with ‘… in a blissful flight’ did not have a verb.]

I began to shake out the sand poured on the hood before untying it and removing it from my head. I did not even have time to do it before because I heard a new sound that made me freeze. It was a hiss from above. I had heard this sound before but at first, I didn't even understand what it was. Although I already felt that it was something bad, the conjecture was so implausible that the my mind first tried to find out the other reasons for it this.

Then, [comma needed] it struck to me: this can be nothing but the rustle of many flying arrows. 

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
5539

Hi Ali! Thank you for your corrections and detailed explanation!

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kjcoffin's picture
I learn : Spanish (Intermediate)
3435

Suddenly, silence reined. I did not immediately notice that the storm had abated. After after a few beats of my heart, being in a blissful flight, I told myself, "It's time to return to the real world.

I began to shake out the sand poured on the hood before untying it and removing it from my head. I did not even have time to do it before I heard a new sound that made me freeze. It was a hiss from above. I heard this sound before but at first, I didn't even understand what it was. Although I already felt that it was something bad, the conjecture was so implausible that the my mind first tried to find out the other reasons for this as to why.

Then it struck to me: this can be nothing but the rustle of many flying arrows. (Can also say, "this is nothing but the rustling of many flying arrows.")

Nice job, keep it up. Your writing is good

5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
5539

Hi Kealin! Thank you for your comment and explanation of my grammar mistakes!

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edhutchins88's picture
I learn : Chinese (Beginner) French (Beginner) German (Beginner) Portuguese (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner) Arabic (Beginner)
7276

Hi Oleks,

That's awful! So I am presuming you are under attack? I am keen to know if you all survive.

Aliakbar and kjcoffin have both done a good job of evaluating your English.

I would just like to add the following point

  • I began to shake out the sand poured on the hood  - I began to shake out the sand that had piled up on the hood  (you are talking about an action which was completed before another one in the past, so use the past perfect tense)
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Oleks's picture
Oleks :
I learn : English (Beginner)
5539

Hi Ed! Thank you! Tences are my weak points.

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