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Oleks's picture

Hi Ed! Thank you! Simpler sentences are clearer.

2 hours 12 min ago
Oleks's picture

Thank you, Ed! I am glad to see your assessment of my...

2 hours 15 min ago
Oleks's picture

Thank you, Ed! I also have a dictionary on my smartphone...

3 hours 23 min ago
Oleks's picture

Thank you, Faye!

3 hours 28 min ago
edhutchins88's picture

Hi Oleks,

I have learnt something new again from...

Tuesday, September 29, 2020 - 19:31

Trip

I remember when I was 19 years old or so I went to La Guajira. I decided to go because I found out a friend of mine was living there. After picking up my bike at my dad’s house I put on some clothes and fill up the tank with gas. As I was driving I didn’t see a pump that was close by to a school. My bike broke down and I had to call back to my house to ask for my brother’s advice. I almost gave up at fixing my bike and thought about turning my phone off and just head all my way back but my brother calmed me down. I broke up the right mirror while working on my bike and I got even more angry when I heard that somebody yelled at me “stupid” while their car disappeared from the distance. After my bike was nice and sound I tried looking for my phone and for my surprised it was dying so I had to plug it in at my bikes charger and I kept on going.

Long story short I had a blast while being there and I still remember it as it just happened.

Thanks for your attention.

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Grammatical Accuracy

The learners ability to use nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. correctly in sentences, using verb tenses accurately, and having the correct agreement between subjects and predicates. For instance, one would say "they were" instead of "they was."

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Punctuation

The learner's ability to use certain marks to clarify meaning of their writing by grouping words grammatically into sentences and clauses and phrases.

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Spelling

The learners' ability to form words with the correct letters in the correct order

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Style

The learner's ability to tailor the written work to fit the specific context, purpose, or audience

Mostly understandable. However, there are a few errors which cause confusion.
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edhutchins88's picture
I learn : Chinese (Beginner) French (Beginner) German (Beginner) Portuguese (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner) Arabic (Beginner)
13054

Fantastic effort! Your writing skills in English are so impressive.yes

I hate it when things go wrong, but it is always important to stay calm (which I never do hahaha). Your brother sounds like a very nice, supportive, and helpful person.

What is La Guajira like? I love travelling so am always looking for advice concerning where I should go to next

Please find some minor corrections required

  1. and fill up the tank with gas - and filled up the tank with gas
  2. I had to call back to my house to ask for my brother’s advice - I had to phone my brother to ask for his advice
  3. . I almost gave up at fixing my bike - . I almost gave up fixing my bike
  4. and just head all my way back - and just heading home
  5. I broke up the right mirror while working on my bike - I broke the right mirror while working on my bike
  6. disappeared from the distance - disappeared into the distance
  7. After my bike was nice and sound - After my bike was working again/fixed
  8. and for my surprised - and to my surprise
  9. had to plug it in at my bikes charger - had to plug it into my bikes’ charger
Comment Rating : 
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
jesusddavid's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate)
45

Hello there, this is my first time after more than 1 year without using this website and I had already forgotten how amazing this website was.

I really appreciate your effort and all the time you put on helping me Edhutchins88

hahahahahahhaha Yep, I used to get pissed off every time I was put in a weird situation but I have been learning how to deal with them, as time goes by. You tell me, Are you going to find the solution faster if you are not concentrated? you are not, right? That is why we shouldn't worry too much if anything goes wrong amigo.

La Guajira is a very beaitiful place to visit because of the ocean, it is not that dirty and it's blue (well the ocean is supposed to be blue but there are some areas where it is not because of the contamination, we human beings are animals)they cook amazingly and are nice people, most people are black, most of the are fishers, and most of them are cool. I wouldn't recommend you to go alone thought because it might be dangerous.

My brother is very helpful and he always is there for me when I need him.

Is that okay if you please tell to me why I should say had to plug it into my bikes’ charger instead of  "had to plug it into my bike's charger" 

Gracias

 

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edhutchins88's picture
I learn : Chinese (Beginner) French (Beginner) German (Beginner) Portuguese (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner) Arabic (Beginner)
13054

Exactly - I always regret worrying and becoming too anxious whenever I am faced with a difficult situation!

La Guajira sounds like a beautiful place. What kind of food do people eat/cook there? I love hot, spicy food! I love fishing too, so I think I would really enjoy it there.

With regards to your question, both options are correct -> bikes’ charger + bike's charger

 

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Fiona's picture
Fiona :
I learn : Dutch (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner)
110

I agree with the mistakes mentioned above, 

Instead of had to plug in at my bike's charger you would say had to plug it into my bike's charger because in the English language it would not make sense because the at is not needed in the sentence, it is an extra word. Sometimes extra words are fine but in this case it does not flow with the sentence.

Comment Rating : 
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
jesusddavid's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate)
45

Muchas gracias Fiona

Comment Rating : 
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Faye W.C.'s picture
I learn : French (Beginner)
2874

Great job! I agree with Ed's revision suggestions. Continue to practice writing and you will see more improvement!

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jesusddavid's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate)
45

Asi sera Faye, gracias

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