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Oleks's picture

Hi Ed! Thank you! Simpler sentences are clearer.

1 hour 24 min ago
Oleks's picture

Thank you, Ed! I am glad to see your assessment of my...

1 hour 27 min ago
Oleks's picture

Thank you, Ed! I also have a dictionary on my smartphone...

2 hours 35 min ago
Oleks's picture

Thank you, Faye!

2 hours 40 min ago
edhutchins88's picture

Hi Oleks,

I have learnt something new again from...

Tuesday, September 29, 2020 - 19:31

TOEFL Writing Section Exercise

Hello again, I am training myself for the TOEFL Writing Section and I want you to help me by reviewing this short essay. For me, speaking and writing are the two most hardest abilities in English and I need to improve them. I would very grateful to get feedback on this. Here is my text (suggested number of words for this part is 150-225):

Nowadays, a group of people in the United States are suggesting to implement a new working schedule. By choosing this schedule, employees will have the option to work four days a week instead of five giving the chance to rest one more day per week. However, a businessman argues that even when this new modality seems to be beneficial for employees, it is not worthy due to several financial and psychological factors.

First, new employees must be hired in order to cover remaining working hours, requiring to invest more money in training for them. At the same time, stuffs like computers, working tools or personal protection equipment, should be acquired for the incoming company members. 

On the other hand, if employees work less time per week this could make employeers to have more expectations on them demanding the same amount of work in a shortest period. Definitely, this would increase the pressure on the worker and will not create a good work environment.

Finally, the man says that working less reduces experience gathered by the employee and his abilities could not be increased in the same way as before.

 

Total number of words: 189

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CategoryAdequate to goodGood to ExcellentNeeds work
Grammatical Accuracy

The learners ability to use nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. correctly in sentences, using verb tenses accurately, and having the correct agreement between subjects and predicates. For instance, one would say "they were" instead of "they was."

There are 3-4 grammatical errors
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There are 0-2 grammatical errors
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There are 5 or more grammatical errors
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Punctuation

The learner's ability to use certain marks to clarify meaning of their writing by grouping words grammatically into sentences and clauses and phrases.

There are 3-4 errors in capitalization and punctuation.
People thought this
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There are 0-2 errors in capitalization and punctuation.
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There are 5 or more errors in capitalization and punctuation.
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Spelling

The learners' ability to form words with the correct letters in the correct order

There are 3-4 spelling errors
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There are 0-2 spelling errors
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There are 5 or more spelling errors
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Style

The learner's ability to tailor the written work to fit the specific context, purpose, or audience

Mostly understandable. However, there are a few errors which cause confusion.
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Easy to understand. Writing flows and keeps reader engaged.
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Quite hard to understand.
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edhutchins88's picture
I learn : Chinese (Beginner) French (Beginner) German (Beginner) Portuguese (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner) Arabic (Beginner)
13054

Hi Isaac,

Fantastic effort! 

Your writing skills are excellent and I am sure you will do very well in the exam. Please find some minor corrections needed

1. employees will have the option to work four days a week instead of five giving the chance to rest one more day per week. -- employees will have the option to work four days a week instead of five, giving them the chance to rest one more day per week.

2. requiring to invest more money in training for them - requiring their employers to invest more money in training for them

3. stuffs like computers, working tools or personal protection equipment - stuff/things like computers, working tools or personal protection equipment

4. this could make employeers to have more expectations on them demanding the same amount of work in a shortest period. - this could make employers have higher expectations of them, demanding the same amount of work in a shorter period.

5. working less reduces experience gathered by the employee and his abilities could not be increased in the same way as before. - working less reduces experiences gathered/gained by employees and their abilities/skills could/would not be increased/would not advance as much[my preference] in the same way as before.

 

 

 

 

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5
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IsaacC's picture
IsaacC :
I learn : English (Intermediate) German (Beginner)
255

Thank you Ed!! 

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Faye W.C.'s picture
I learn : French (Beginner)
2874

 

Best of luck on your upcoming test and great job with text. Please review suggested revisions. 

Nowadays, a group of people (what type of group? specify or just say employers, employees or workers) in the United States are suggesting to implement a new working schedule. By choosing this schedule, employees will have the option to work four days a week instead of five and given the chance to rest one more day per week. However, a businessman argues that even though this new modality seems to be beneficial for employees, it is not worthy due to several financial and psychological factors.

First, new employees must be hired in order to cover the remaining working hours, requiring more investment into training. At the same time, work tools like like computers or personal protection equipment should be acquired for the incoming company members. 

On the other handif employees work less time per week this could make employers have more expectations on them and demanding the same amount of work in a shorter period. This definitely would increase the pressure on the worker and will not create a good work environment.

Finally, the businessman says that working less reduces the experience gathered by the employee and his abilities could not be increased in the same way as before.

Comment Rating : 
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
IsaacC's picture
IsaacC :
I learn : English (Intermediate) German (Beginner)
255

Thanks Faye!  I really appreciate it

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Fiona's picture
Fiona :
I learn : Dutch (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner)
110

Good Job

 

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