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Monday, August 19, 2019 - 20:54
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Monday, August 19, 2019 - 20:49
Aliakbar Majidi's picture

Fabulous, Oleks! You have described the happenings...

Monday, August 19, 2019 - 20:04
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So, you mean the moment when you hit the ground, right...

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Content is produced for the affairs of the department....

Monday, August 19, 2019 - 16:57

Bad songs

When I listen the radio I hear many times songs with explicit lyrics. The lyrics are often very offensive and degrading at women and also glorify the violence. The other day I listened a song on the radio which was made by a celebrated French rapper and he was boasting of killing many peoples in the past in the song. It was so shocking and horrible so I closed immediately the radio.

For me I think it is worrying is that many young people in France and many other countries are inspired of this kind of music and really like it. The gouvernment must to do something to stop it, for example; making laws to stop rappers to write these types of lyrics or censor them.

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Grammatical Accuracy

The learners ability to use nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. correctly in sentences, using verb tenses accurately, and having the correct agreement between subjects and predicates. For instance, one would say "they were" instead of "they was."

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Punctuation

The learner's ability to use certain marks to clarify meaning of their writing by grouping words grammatically into sentences and clauses and phrases.

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Spelling

The learners' ability to form words with the correct letters in the correct order

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Style

The learner's ability to tailor the written work to fit the specific context, purpose, or audience

Mostly understandable. However, there are a few errors which cause confusion.
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Easy to understand. Writing flows and keeps reader engaged.
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Quite hard to understand.
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Karin Brauner's picture
I learn : French (Beginner)
1710

Hi Adeline,

Nice attempt. There are some connecting words and articles missing. Let me rewrite the text with corrections (find the corrections in a different colour).

_____________________________

When I listen to the radio I often hear songs with explicit lyrics. The lyrics are often very offensive and degrading to women and also glorify the violence. The other day I heard a song on the radio sung by a celebrated French rapper where was boasting about  killing many people in the past. It was so shocking and horrible so I immediately turned the radio off.

For me, I think it is worrying that many young people in France and many other countries are inspired by this kind of music and really like it. The government must to do something to stop it, for example, by making laws to stop rappers from writing these types of lyrics or censor them.

 

I hope this helps!

 

Karin

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Ros Watson's picture
I learn : Italian (Beginner) French (Beginner)
5089

I loved this!

When I listen the radio I hear many times songs with explicit lyrics. [Consider saying “frequently” instead of “many times” and putting it before the verb] – “I frequently hear songs with explicit lyrics”. The lyrics are often very offensive and degrading at women [Instead of “at” you need to use “to” here] and also glorify the violence. [You don’t need the definite article here].  The other day I listened to a song on the radio which was made by a celebrated French rapper and he was boasting in the song of about killing many peoples [people is a collective noun and doesn’t take an “s”]in the past.  It was so shocking and horrible so that I closed immediately the radio.  [Try saying “I immediately turned off the radio”]

For me Personally, I think it is worrying is that many young people in France and many other countries are inspired of by this kind of music and really like it. The gouvernment must to do something to stop it by, for example; , making laws to stop rappers writing  to write [Use the gerund form of the verb here rather than the infinitive]these types of lyrics or censor them.

 

These are just a few “tweaks” but your content is generally very good.  I really enjoyed reading it!

 

Ros

When I listen the radio I hear many times songs with explicit lyrics. [Consider saying “frequently” instead of “many times” and putting it before the verb] – “I frequently hear songs with explicit lyrics”. The lyrics are often very offensive and degrading at women [Instead of “at” you need to use “to” here] and also glorify the violence. [You don’t need the definite article here].  The other day I listened to a song on the radio which was made by a celebrated French rapper and he was boasting in the song of about killing many peoples [people is a collective noun and doesn’t take an “s”]in the past.  It was so shocking and horrible so that I closed immediately the radio.  [Try saying “I immediately turned off the radio”]

For me Personally, I think it is worrying is that many young people in France and many other countries are inspired of by this kind of music and really like it. The gouvernment must to do something to stop it by, for example; , making laws to stop rappers writing  to write [Use the gerund form of the verb here rather than the infinitive]these types of lyrics or censor them.

 

These are just a few “tweaks” but your content is generally very good.  I really enjoyed reading it!

 

Ros

When I listen the radio I hear many times songs with explicit lyrics. [Consider saying “frequently” instead of “many times” and putting it before the verb] – “I frequently hear songs with explicit lyrics”. The lyrics are often very offensive and degrading at women [Instead of “at” you need to use “to” here] and also glorify the violence. [You don’t need the definite article here].  The other day I listened to a song on the radio which was made by a celebrated French rapper and he was boasting in the song of about killing many peoples [people is a collective noun and doesn’t take an “s”]in the past.  It was so shocking and horrible so that I closed immediately the radio.  [Try saying “I immediately turned off the radio”]

For me Personally, I think it is worrying is that many young people in France and many other countries are inspired of by this kind of music and really like it. The gouvernment must to do something to stop it by, for example; , making laws to stop rappers writing  to write [Use the gerund form of the verb here rather than the infinitive]these types of lyrics or censor them.

 

These are just a few “tweaks” but your content is generally very good.  I really enjoyed reading it!

 

Ros

 

 

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Aliakbar Majidi's picture
I learn : French (Beginner) Persian (Expert) Spanish (Beginner)
5918

Hi Adeline. Good job again! You have improved a lot. Keep it up! Keep posting and improving. Soon, you will be surprised how much improvement you have made.

Regarding your text, here is how I would rewrite it. Take a look please, and ask me any questions that might pop in your mind.

 

When I listen to the radio, I often hear songs with explicit lyrics. The lyrics are often very offensive and degrading to women and glorify violence, too. The other day, I was listening to a song on the radio composed by a celebrated French rapper and where he was boasting about killing many peoples in the past. It was so shocking and horrible that I immediately turned the radio off.

For me, it is worrying that many young people in France and many other countries are inspired by this kind of music and really like it. The government must do something to stop it, for example; by making laws to stop rappers from writing these types of lyrics or by censoring them.

 

By the way, I am not against any song. I believe that people are free to sing whatever they want and other people are free to choose what to listen to. I guess we should inform people of the harm these songs might cause to society. That way even if there are thousands of these rappers, nobody would listen to them.

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