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Sina's picture

Hvala ti najlepše!

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Milos's picture

Ćao Sina, 

Dobro si napisala tekst i razumeo sam...

8 hours 58 min ago
Monica Ferrari's picture
...
Sunday, November 18, 2018 - 02:51

I've been growing my hair.

My hair is curly hair. It wasn't curly when I was a child but it suddenly changed from straight into curly. I still don't know why.

I heard some people have the same experience like me on the Internet.

I couldn't find any solution that would make my hair look straight again until I was in high school.

I heard hair salons had a way called 'magic straight'.

It was expensive and it still does but that made my hair always straight until my new hair grew up.

I did that treatment over a decade or maybe for 15 years.

It is expensive as I wrote above. It costs 160 or 170 in US dollar.

And it would take so much time. Since I have curler hair than other people, the hairstylist would take much longer time on my hair. It took for 4 hours in average.

So I decided not to take any straight treatment on my hair.

I've been growing my hair for about 10 months without any treatment.

I searched on the Internet how to care for curly hair like mine.

I couldn't find any information in Korean on the Internet, except doing 'magic straight'. 

Thanks for my studying English, I found a way called 'curly girl method' and a lot of products for various curly hair types.

Unfortunately those products don't sell in Korea so I bought some of them from Sephora on the Internet.

I'm still struggling with my hair. The above part of my hair is curly and the upper part is straight because of the treatment I had 10 months ago.

So I tie my hair up everyday. It is the best option for now.

I'm waiting for my hair without any straight on them.

And the good news is Sephora is going to be opened next year in Korea for the first time.

The bad news is I doubt whether the same product in Sephora I'm looking for will sell here in Korea.

But now I have a chance to meet my curly hair again. And this time my hair will not be frizz but with appropriate curly hair product.

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Grammatical Accuracy

The learners ability to use nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. correctly in sentences, using verb tenses accurately, and having the correct agreement between subjects and predicates. For instance, one would say "they were" instead of "they was."

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Punctuation

The learner's ability to use certain marks to clarify meaning of their writing by grouping words grammatically into sentences and clauses and phrases.

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Spelling

The learners' ability to form words with the correct letters in the correct order

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Style

The learner's ability to tailor the written work to fit the specific context, purpose, or audience

Mostly understandable. However, there are a few errors which cause confusion.
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edmundHutchings's picture
I learn : English (Beginner) French (Beginner) Portuguese (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner) German (Beginner)
783

Great effort.

I'm beginning to lose my hair, so I have a completely different problem to you haha.

Just a few corrections needed:

1. My hair is curly hair  No need to repeat the word "hair" again, as we already know what you are referring to. "My hair is curly". Alternatively I would say "I have curly hair"

2. it suddenly changed from straight into curly it suddenly changed from straight to curly. [something changes from x TO x if that makes sense]

3, I couldn't find any solution As you are talking about more than one solution, this word needs to be plural. [I couldn't find any solutions]

4. It was expensive and it still does It was expensive and it still is. 

5. until my new hair grew up  In English, the phrasal verb "grow up" means "to gradually become an adult". As you are just talking about your hair here, you would just say "my new hair grew".

6. I did that treatment "I had that treatment"

7. Since I have curler hair than other people the correct way to write this comparitive adjectie is "curlier". Since I have curlier hair than other people.

8. It took for 4 hours in average.It took 4 hours on average.

9. Thanks for my studying English, Thanks to studying English. [we already know you are talking about yourself]

10. Unfortunately those products don't sell in Korea = I would say "Unfortunately those products are not sold in Korea. What you wrote is not wrong though.

 

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OnTheEarth's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate)
250

Thank you for your corrections, Edmund. I'm sorry for your hair situation. I hope you'll find ways to care yours.

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Karin Brauner's picture
I learn : French (Beginner)
1084

Hi!

I enjoyed reading your text. Here are a few corrections:

 

My hair is curly hair. - Either say "My hair is curly." or "I have curly hair".

It suddenly changed from straight into curly - from straight to curly.

I've heard some people had the same experience as I did on the Internet. - you can add "as I did" or just leave it as "the same experience on the internet" as we know you are talking about your experiences.

I couldn't find any solution - I couldn't find any solutions 

I heard hair salons had a way called 'magic straight'. - had a way - or had a method of straightening hair called...

It was expensive and it still does - it still is

until my new hair grew up - until my new hair grew out

I did that treatment  - I used that treatment

curler hair - curlier hair

It took for 4 hours in average. - It took an average of 4 hours.

So I decided not to take any straight treatment on my hair. - So I decided to not use any more straightening treatments on my hair any more.

I searched on the Internet for ways to care for curly hair like mine.

 

Thanks to my studying English, I found a way called 'curly girl method' and a lot of products for various curly hair types.

I'm waiting for my hair to grow out without any straightening treatments on them.

And the good news is Sephora is going to open next year in Korea for the first time.

But now I have a chance to wear my curly hair again. And this time my hair will not be frizzy because I will have appropriate curly hair product.

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5
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OnTheEarth's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate)
250

Thank you again for your corrections, Karin. I'm glad you enjoyed my text.

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Ros Watson's picture
I learn : Italian (Beginner) French (Beginner)
2152

Hi!  Well done.  It was easy to understand this and very interesting.  A few tweaks which I hope will help!  Good luck with your hair!  Ros



 

My hair is curly hair. [You don't need to say hair again]. It wasn't curly when I was a child but it suddenly changed from straight into curly. I still don't know why.

I heard on the internet some people have the same experience like as me on the Internet.

I couldn't find any solution that would make my hair look straight again until I was in high school.

I heard hair salons had a way product called 'magic straight'.

It was and still is expensive and it still does but that it made my hair always stay straight until my new hair grew up. [We only use "grow up" when we talk about children reaching adulthood]

I did that used this treatment over a decade or maybe for 15 years.

It is expensive as I wrote above. It costs 160 to 170 in US dollar.

And it would take took [use "took" here or "used to take"]so much time. Since I have curlerier hair than other people, the hairstylist would used to take much longer time [You don't need to use "time" when you use "much longer" in this sense] on my hair. It took for 4 hours in average  an average of 4 hours.

So I decided not to take have any straightening treatment on my hair.

I've now been growing my hair for about 10 months without any treatment.

I searched on the Internet to find out/discover how to care for curly hair like mine.

I couldn't find any information in  on the Korean internet, except doing  for 'Magic Straight'. 

Thanks for to [We use "thanks to" here not "Thanks for"] my studying English, I found a way product called 'Curly Girl Method' and a lot of products for various types of curly hair. types.

Unfortunately those these products don't sell in Korea so I bought some of them from Sephora on the Internet.

I'm still struggling with my hair. The above top part of my hair is curly and the upper bottom part is straight because of the treatment I had 10 months ago.

So I tie my hair up every day. It is the best option for now.

I'm waiting for the straight part of my hair without any straight on them to grow out.

And the good news is Sephora is going to be opened available next year in Korea for the first time.

The bad news is I doubt whether the  product I'm looking for in Sephora will sell here in Korea.

But now I have a chance to meet see/get used to my curly hair again. And this time my hair will not be frizzy but with thanks to an appropriate curly hair product.


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OnTheEarth's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate)
250

Thank you, Ros. I appreciate your help again.

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BeckyGreenBeans's picture
I learn : Spanish (Beginner)
2031

Hi,

Thanks for this, you've done a great job! There are just two spelling mistakes in this: 'curler' which should be 'curlier' and 'everyday' which should be 'every day'. Other than that, I can't spot any spelling mistakes throughout the piece, so well done on the accuracy of it!

Using connectives, you could have linked up a few of your phrases to help the reader keep track of the flow of the sentences. To keep the reader engaged, I'd also suggest using a wider range of vocabulary to describe your hair treatment instead of repeating the word 'it'. 

Here are my changes: 

  • It wasn't curly when I was a child but it suddenly changed from straight into curly and I still don't know why.
  • I heard hair salons had a product known as 'magic straight', but it was expensive. 
  • used that treatment over a decadeor maybe for 15 years.
  • As I mentioned above, the magic straight method was expensive, costing 160 or 170 US dollar. 
  • Since I have curlier hair, the treatment for my hair was also time-consuming, taking an average of four hours, so I decided not to apply any treatment directly to my hair.
  • Now, I've been growing my hair for about 10 months without any treatment.
  • I searched, on the Internetfor how to care for curly hair like mine and other than using magic straight, I couldn't find any additional information in Korean.
  • Unfortunately those products don't sell in Korea, so I bought some of them from Sephora on the Internet. (or you could add a comma after unfortunately, depending on which of the sentence you wanted to place emphais on).
  • I'm still struggling with my hair; due to the treatment I had 10 months ago, the above part of it is curly and the upper part of it is straight.
  • At the moment, I am tying my hair up every day, as it is easier for the time being. (Everyday vs. Every day. Everyday is an adjective we use to describe something that's seen or used every day. It means “ordinary” or “typical.” Every day is a phrase that simply means “each day").
  • I'm waiting for the straight bit of my hair to grow out, but the good news is that next year, Sephora is going to be available in Korea for the first time.
  • The bad news is that I'm not sure if the specific Sephora product that I'm going to be looking for will sell here in Korea.
  • However, now I have a chance to make my curly hair again and this time, my hair will not be frizzy, thanks to using an appropriate product for my hair type!

Thanks, Becky :)

 

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OnTheEarth's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate)
250

Thank you so much for the corrections, Becky!!

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