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Thank you, Ali! Your imrovements are very useful!

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Thank you, Ali! Your comment is very useful.

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Thank you, Ali! I think you are right: the list looks...

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Thank you, Ali! I understand that I should use fewer...

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Essay a bout sport (uni H.W)

( Advanteges of Sports)

      Many studies showed that in the last few years death rates and diseases had increased very fast , so scientist  found after years of efforts and hard working that sports have many benifits that will improve human lives, so sports one of the  are entertaning activities that people can enjoy their time and in the same time it makes their life healtheir ; accordingly, people who exercise continously will claim a very precious benifits  that will help them  alot in their lives from many sides mental, physical, and social.

      To start with , sports have many positive effects on people's mental  health.First, sports improve human sleep at night , and it reduces stess, panic, pain, confusion , and anxiety for people whose life are full of stress like businessmen , students , and heads of state . Second , sports which relieve stress improve peopls's and it improves ones mood . Finally , sports which help people improving their mental health improves human concentration in daily life. 

      Inaddition, sports have many positive effect on people's physical health  . First , sports strengthen your immune system, and it improves long function . Second , sports reduce blood pressure , control cholestrol, and it makes you sleep  enough  adequate  amount of sleep and rest . Third , sports reduce the risk of heart disease and diabites , as a result it strengthens your heart strong . Finally , it improves joint flexibility and range of motion , and it manages your weight . 

     The last benifits of sports is social relationships , sports have many  positive impact on people's social relationships and communications . First , sports build new connections between people by meeting each other in  gym and in the parks  , and it develops stronger relationships  because they will meet each other continuosly . Finally , sports increase confidence to people who don't  believe in themselves .

     Indeed , scientists latest research  showed that some people live longer than other people for some reasons  . the first reason  to live longer and healthier  was  that sports that make human life more intersting , pleasurable, and healthier . Second, sports have many advanteges on people life , it has a significant effects on their mental , physical ,and social  health . I believe that sports is one of the ways that will improve human health and  lifestyle . 

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Grammatical Accuracy

The learners ability to use nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. correctly in sentences, using verb tenses accurately, and having the correct agreement between subjects and predicates. For instance, one would say "they were" instead of "they was."

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The learner's ability to use certain marks to clarify meaning of their writing by grouping words grammatically into sentences and clauses and phrases.

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edhutchins88's picture
I learn : Chinese (Beginner) French (Beginner) German (Beginner) Portuguese (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner) Arabic (Beginner)
12465

Hi tatyana,

That was a fantastic effort! Very well done!

I love playing sports like football, tennis and cricket. What about you? What sports do you enjoy playing? I completely agree with all of the points you have made in your essay smiley

With regards to your written English, it is very good indeed. Please see some of my observations. Let me know if you have any questions.

1. Advanteges of Sports pay attention to your spelling of the word "advantages"

2.  Many studies showed that in the last few years As you are describing an action that began in the past and continues in the present you should use the present perfect tense here. "Many studies have shown that in the last few years..." Take a look here for more information about it: https://www.grammarly.com/blog/present-perfect-tense/

3. Same for this phrase - death rates and diseases had increased very fast- death rates and diseases have increased very fast.

4. so scientist  found after years of efforts and hard working remember you are talking about more than one scientist, so use the plural form. "So after years of effort and hard work, scientists have found that..."

5. benifits  pay attention to your spelling of the word "benefits"

6. in the same time it makes their life healtheir at the same time it makes their lives healthier. (Pay attention to your spelling of the word "healthier".)

7. anxiety for people whose life are full of stress  anxiety for people whose lives are full of stress. (Remember to use the plural form when you are talking about more than one person.)

8. Inaddition (These are two separate words) "In addition"

9. sports have many positive effect sports have many positive effects...

10. and it makes you sleep  enough  adequate  amount of sleep and rest (This sounds a bit strange.) I would change it to something like "they help you sleep better"

11. diabites (Watch your spelling of this word "Diabetes ")

12. as a result it strengthens your heart strong  "as a result, they strengthen your heart" (No need for the adjective "strong" at the end)

 

 

 

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tatyana's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate) Turkish (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner)
1271

Hi  again  Edhutchins

Same here I love playing  tennis a lot as well as basketball in my free time 

 the most difficult things that I face while writing Essay  were  the introductory  and concluding paragraph  because I didn't know  I feel that there are something wrong  .

I forgot to ask you  a bout the conditions  of learning Arabic language  and did you see the websites that I 've sent it to you  

 I 'm ready to help you in Arabic  language 

again thanks for your notes smiley

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kjcoffin's picture
I learn : Spanish (Intermediate)
4630

Many studies showed that in the last few years death rates and diseases had have increased very fast , so scientist  found after years of efforts and hard working that sports have many benifits benefits that will improve human lives so sports one of the  are entertaning activities that people can enjoy their time and in at the same time it makes their life lives healtheir (I'm not exactly sure what you were trying to say in this sentence, but I think you want to say, "Sports are some of the entertaining activities that people can enjoy their time and at the same time it makes their lives healtheir."). Accordingly, people who exercise continously will claim a very precious benifits that will help them alot a lot in their lives from many sides the mental, physical, and social side.

      To start with, sports have many positive effects on people's mental  health. First, sports improve human sleep at night (no comma needed here) and it reduces stess, panic, pain, confusion , and anxiety. It is helpful for people whose life lives are full of stress like businessmen, students, and heads of state . Second, sports which relieve stress improve peopls's people's and it improves ones one's mood . Finally, sports which helps people improving improve their mental health improves human concentration in daily life also

      Inaddition In addition, sports have many positive effects on people's a person's physical health. First, sports strengthen your immune system (no comma needed here) and it improves long lung function . Second, sports reduces blood pressure, controls cholestrol (no comma needed) and it makes you sleep enough and to have an adequate amount of sleep and rest. Third, sports reduces the risk of heart disease and diabites. As a result it strengthens your heart strong . Finally, it improves joint flexibility and range of motion (no comma) and it manages your weight . 

     The last benifits benefits of sports is social relationships. Sports have many positive impacts on people's a person's social relationships and communications. First, sports build new connections between people by meeting each other in gyms and in the parks. It also and it develops stronger relationships because they will meet each other continuosly. Finally, sports increase confidence to in people who don't  believe in themselves .

     Indeed, scientists latest research showed that some people live longer than other people for some reasons. The first reason to live longer and healthier was that sports that make human life more intersting , pleasurable, and healthier . Second, sports have many advanteges advantages on in a people person's life. It has a significant effects on their mental , physical ,and social  health . I believe that sports is one of the ways that will improve human health and  lifestyle . 

 

Nice job, keep writing!

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tatyana's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate) Turkish (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner)
1271

Hi Kjcoffin 

thanks a lot yes

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Aliakbar Majidi's picture
I learn : French (Beginner) Persian (Expert) Spanish (Beginner)
9990

Well done, Tatyana. That was an interesting read! I have found regular work-out to be really advantageous. It keeps your body healthy and you will have more energy once you start working out.

 

Regarding your text, I would like to expand on some of the corrections pointed out by my fellow evaluators:

Diseases had have increased -> You are talking about an event that has started in the past but we are feeling the consequences now.

 it makes their life lives -> In some languages, using this form is correct but in English, these should agree in number.

helps people improving improve -> It can be either ‘improve’ or ‘to improve’.

in a people person's life -> ‘People’ is plural and ‘a’ cannot be used with it.

 

I am looking forward to your future posts. Keep it up!

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tatyana's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate) Turkish (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner)
1271

Hi Aliakbar 

thanks a lot for these precious notes smiley and I will keep it up .

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