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HortenseMaldonado's picture

Content of the vacations is filled on top of the items...

Monday, April 22, 2019 - 21:00
Ros Watson's picture

A very well written piece about the recent tragic fire...

Sunday, April 21, 2019 - 16:21
Ros Watson's picture

Really inspirational piece!  I totally agree with what...

Sunday, April 21, 2019 - 16:01
Ros Watson's picture

Hi Iman. This is fun!  Just a few tweaks in an otherwise...

Sunday, April 21, 2019 - 15:32
Ros Watson's picture

Hi again Bananap!  How are you?  and Happy Easter. ...

Sunday, April 21, 2019 - 15:06

hi all, i wrote a paragraph to show the difference between my country now and before. I would appreciate your modifications on the below.

 

Each Country is characterized by its generation who make enormous changes to their lives within a given period of time, and each generation has specific features that differentiate itself from other generations.

My country now is completely different from it was before. First, the cost of living was cheaper. Second, the clothes were old-fashioned while now the clothes are the combination of modern and vintage style. Third, the streets were wider, cleaner and less crowded than now.  Fourth, Buildings were not as tall as now because of the close skyscrapers that existed today. Fourth, people were not as busy as today, not demanding and more patient, while people now are more creative and ambitious, also the number of less privileged people were fewer in the past. Fifth, there was less traffic than now, which is due to the decreases in public transports and increases in the number of personal cars over years, which in turn increased the pollution percentage. Seventh, Foods now are more delicious than before, because of the daily creation of new recipes, and there are a lot of restaurants that provide fast foods now a day. Moreover, the country is more touristy, lively than it was before.

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Grammatical Accuracy

The learners ability to use nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. correctly in sentences, using verb tenses accurately, and having the correct agreement between subjects and predicates. For instance, one would say "they were" instead of "they was."

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Aliakbar Majidi's picture
I learn : French (Beginner) Persian (Expert)
2153

Hi, Iman. Great work here! Your article is very well written. I made some modification to it. Take a look, please. Also, the more text and audio you post and the more you get corrected, the better your English will improve. Good luck!

Each Country is characterized by its generation who make enormous changes to their lives within a given period of time, and each generation has specific features that differentiate itself from other generations.

My country now is completely different from how it was before. First, the cost of living was cheaper. Second, the clothes were old-fashioned while now the clothes are the combination of modern and vintage style. Third, the streets were wider, cleaner, (Use comma for the last item before and, too.) and less crowded than now.  Fourth, Buildings were not as tall as they are now because of the close skyscrapers that existed today and are very close to each other. Fourth, people were not as busy as they are today, not demanding and more patient, while people now are more creative and ambitious, also the number of less privileged people were fewer in the past. Fifth, there was less traffic than there is now, which is due to the decreases in public transports transportation and increases in the number of personal cars over years, which in turn has increased the pollution percentage. Seventh, Foods now are is (You are referring to food in general term.) more delicious than it was before, because of the daily creation of new recipes, and there are a lot of restaurants that provide fast foods nowadays. Moreover, the country is more touristy, and lively than it was before.

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iman mohammed's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate)
532

Thanks a bunch Ali

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Aliakbar Majidi's picture
I learn : French (Beginner) Persian (Expert)
2153

yes

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edhutchins88's picture
I learn : Chinese (Beginner) French (Beginner) German (Beginner) Portuguese (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner) Arabic (Beginner)
3610

Hi Iman, yet again I'm really impressed with your written English and I'm finding it hard to find any corrections which need to be made (other than the ones that Aliakbar has already kindly pointed out). yes

My country, (England) has also changed a lot and has become more crowded (especially the cities like London and Manchester) and buildings are a lot taller. People's lives have definitely become a lot busier and more stressful, which upsets me. Do you lead a very busy, hectic life?

Here are just a few things I've spotted.

1.  ". Second, the clothes were old-fashioned while now the clothes are the combination of modern and vintage style"  As you just referring to clothes in general and not any specific clothes, you do not need the definite article "the".  "Clothes were old-fashioned."Next, I would say you should use the word "whereas" instead of "while" in this context, as whereas' emphasises the contrast; 'while' tells us the two things were happening at the same time. "Secondly, clothes were old-fashioned whereas now clothes are a combination of modern and vintage styles. (remember you are talking about more than one style, so ensure this word is in the plural form)

2. "Fourth, Buildings were not as tall.." You do not need to begin the word buildings with a capital letter. "Fourth, buildings were not as tall".

3. not demanding not as demanding

4. while people now are more creative and ambitious - again, I would sau that as you are emphasising a contrast, you should use "whereas". whereas people now are more creative and ambitious.

5. also the number of less privileged people were fewer in the past - this is not gramatically wrong strictly speaking, However, it does not sound natural to me. I would say In addition (it is not advisable to begin a sentence with the word also in English), there were fewer less-privileged people in the past.

6. over years, - the correct way to write this idiom is over the years

7. the pollution percentage - the percentage / amount of pollution.

 

 

 

 

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iman mohammed's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate)
532

I appreciate it. Thank you very much.

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BeckyGreenBeans's picture
I learn : Spanish (Beginner)
3209

Hey,

Thanks for this! Your writing is clear and easy to understand, I've just made a couple of points for improvement in addition to comments above:

- characterized - this is the American English spelling. The British English spelling is 'characterised'

- Instead of first, second, fourth, fifth and seventh, I would have used: Firstly, secondly, thirdly, fourthly, fifthly and finally - (I noticed that you skipped 'sixthly' and went on to 'seventh' - since this is the final point you are making, 'finally' seems to work better

Have you managed to have a look at our competitions page? You could win some cash prizes for leaving a short text or audio: https://www.elingora.com/en/competitions-2018 

Thanks,

Becky :)

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Mirasaki's picture
I learn : (Beginner)
10

Hi!

I've edited your piece to how I would have written it, please take a look at it below. I've enjoyed reading your paragraph about your country, and I only have one main improvement which I want to talk about. My improvement was how you've structured your pararaph with the "firstly, secondly", as typically for that type and length of list we would use numbers or bullet points (I've chosen numbers due to what I thought you were trying to say). Typically you would use firstly and secondly one after another for short lists and for further points (3,4,5,6...) you would use different vocabulary at the start of your point, such as "moreover", "futhermore" and "in addition to".

Each country is characterized by the generationwho make enormous changes to their lives within a given period of time, with each generation having specific features that differentiate itself from other generations.

My country now is completely different from what it was before for the following reasons:

  1. The cost of living was cheaper.
  2. The clothes were old-fashioned while nowadays the clothes are the combination of modern and vintage styles.
  3. The streets were wider, cleaner and less crowded than now.  
  4. Buildings were not as tall as now because of the close skyscrapers that existed today.
  5. People were not as busy as today, they were less demanding and more patient. while People nowadays are more creative and ambitious, as well as there being less underprivileged people than in the past.
  6. There was less traffic than now, which is due to the decreases in public transports and increases in the number of personal cars over years. which  This has in turn increased the amount of pollution percentage.
  7. Foods now are more delicious than before because of the daily creation of new recipes, and there are  as well as a lots of restaurants that provide fast foods now a day. Moreover, the country is more tourist friendly touristy and lively than it was before.
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Ros Watson's picture
I learn : Italian (Beginner) French (Beginner)
3474

Sorry for the delay but I've had the flu over the last 2 weeks!   I found this to be a really well written and interesting piece.  Just a few changes which I have noted.  Looking forward to your next post!  Well done.  Ros

Each Country is characterised by its generation, [whose people] who make enormous changes to their lives within a given period of time, and each generation has specific features that differentiate itself from other generations.

My country now is completely different from [the way] it was before. First, the cost of living was [used to be] cheaper. Second[ly], the clothes were [used to be] old-fashioned while now the clothes are the combination of modern and vintage style. Third[ly], the streets were wider, cleaner and less crowded than now.  Fourth[ly], B buildings were not as tall as now because of the [ skyscrapers that existed today. [Not really sure what you mean here]. Fifth[ly], people were not as busy as today, not [so] demanding and more patient, while people now are more creative and ambitious.  [A]lso the number of less privileged people were fewer in the past. Fifth [We don’t really go beyond “fifthly when we are listing things – also note we add “ly”] there was less traffic than now, which is due to the decreases in public transports and increases in the number of personal cars over years, which in turn[has – use the present perfect tense here] increased the pollution percentage. Seventh [Finally,] foods now are more delicious than before, because of the daily creation of new recipes, and there are a lot of restaurants that provide fast foods now a day. [nowadays].  Moreover, the country is more touristy [and more] lively than it was before.

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