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Jesus's picture

Hoy escuche, que en Madrid los turistas se quejan del...

Friday, July 19, 2019 - 22:09
Jesus's picture

Hoy escuche, que en Madrid las o los...

Friday, July 19, 2019 - 21:55
Kawaii_Baguette's picture

*et ne s'utilise pas dans le même contexte

...
Friday, July 19, 2019 - 14:22
Kawaii_Baguette's picture

Bonjour !

Tout d'abord, bravo pour votre travail...

Friday, July 19, 2019 - 14:20
Lynette's picture

Gracias Adrian, Quiero que debo es estudiar un poco mas...

Friday, July 19, 2019 - 11:38

our teacher asked us to describe a personality using specific traits she gave to us, so i used the good traits of my classmates to describe a person who i wish to be with him.

Have you ever liked someone’s personality that led you eventually to write about it?
Well, I always have this problem to think of the person who I should write about, especially if you’re a picky person, this will make it much harder.

So let me drag your attention in describing a person who I wish to meet. He should be crazy and humorous like Jinan, so I can smoothly fell in love with him as well as forgiving him when he makes mistakes because I will know that this is an unintentional mistake made by an honest person.

He has to be calm like Razan, this personality will keep me safe and away from crowded life. Also to be resilient and sweetheart like Nadine who loves helping others. Childish like Rana, so I will not feel bored with him even if we spend all life together. People with tanned skin attract me more than people with white skin. So I wish if he will have a tanned and beautiful skin like Sanaa. Sportive body like Miss Najah, and to be communicative and inspiring like her. talkative like Nouhad. individualistic, self-sufficient, and self-made like Miss Nariman as well being intellectual like her. finally to have Amani’s innocence and when I find this person, I’ll let him meet her to teach him how to make the rat’s sounds that she makes.

 

/

1)note I meant by innocence at the end (the personality that children have). is it true to use innocence here?

2)regarding rats sounds, she always makes funny voices which makes me laugh. I called these voices the rat's sounds.

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Grammatical Accuracy

The learners ability to use nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. correctly in sentences, using verb tenses accurately, and having the correct agreement between subjects and predicates. For instance, one would say "they were" instead of "they was."

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The learner's ability to use certain marks to clarify meaning of their writing by grouping words grammatically into sentences and clauses and phrases.

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The learners' ability to form words with the correct letters in the correct order

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The learner's ability to tailor the written work to fit the specific context, purpose, or audience

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Ros Watson's picture
I learn : Italian (Beginner) French (Beginner)
4019

Hi.  A nice piece of writing.  I have made some corrections below.  And your use of innocence is fine here. But I would make the word "rat" singular.

Wow!  Quite a list of requirements!!  Not sure about the rat noises though.  I have a phobia of rats!  I hope you post again soon.  Ros

Have you ever liked someone’s personality [so much] that [it] led you [to] eventually to write about it?
Well, I always have [a] this problem to think of the person “to choose the person” might be better here who I should write about, especially if you’re [as I’m] a picky person, [-] this will make  [makes] it much harder. You need to keep  using I – best not to change to “you” in the middle of a statement.  Also , when you’re using a statement which is generally true, use the present not the future tense. 

So let me drag  [draw] your attention in [to] describing a person who I wish [would like] would be better here to meet. He should be crazy and humorous like Jinan, so I can smoothly fell in love with him [fall in love with him effortlessly] is better here as well as forgiving him when he makes mistakes because I will know that this is an unintentional mistake made by an honest person.

He has to be calm like Razan, ; this [kind of] personality will keep me safe and away from [a] crowded life. [He] also [needs] to be resilient and [a] sweetheart like Nadine who loves helping others. Childish like Rana, so I will not feel bored with him even if we spend all [our] life together. People with tanned skin attract me more than people with white skin. So I[would like him to] wish if he will have a tanned and beautiful skin like Sanaa. [A] sportive body like Miss Najah, and to be communicative and inspiring like her. Talkative like Nouhad. individualistic, self-sufficient, and self-made like Miss Nariman as well being intellectual like her. Finally to have Amani’s innocence and when I find this person, I’ll let him meet her to [so that she can] teach him how to make the rat’s sounds that she makes.

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iman mohammed's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate)
532

much appreciated Ros.

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kjcoffin's picture
I learn : Spanish (Intermediate)
1475

Have you ever liked someone’s personality that led you eventually to write about it?

Well, I always have this problem to think of the person who I should write about, especially if you’re a picky person because this will make it much harder. 

So let me drag your attention in describing a person who I wish to meet. He should be crazy and humorous like Jinan (the comma is not necessary right here) so I can smoothly fell fall in love with him as well as forgiving him when he makes mistakes because I will know that this is an unintentional mistake made by an honest person.

He has to be calm like Razan because this personality will keep me safe and away from the/a crowded life. He also should be resilient and a sweetheart like Nadine who loves helping others. He should be Childish like Rana (comma is not necessary right here) so I will not feel bored with him even if we spend all life together (our lives together/all our time together/all our moments together). People with tanned skin attract me more than people with white skin. So I wish hope if he will have a tanned and beautiful skin like Sanaa. Sportive body like Miss Najah, and to be communicative and inspiring like her. talkative like Nouhad. individualistic, self-sufficient, and self-made like Miss Nariman as well being intellectual like her *(See below). finally Finally, I hope the person will have Amani’s innocence and when I find this person, I’ll let him meet her to teach him how to make the rat’s rat sounds that she makes.

*The sentences that are highlighted in yellow can be rewritten because some of these are not complete sentences. There are multiple different ways that they can be written and still be correct, but one option is: "I hope the person will have a sportive body like Miss Najah and be communicative and inspiring like her as well. I hope the person is talkative like Nouhad as well as individualistic, self-sufficient self-made and intellectual like Miss Nariman."

 

It seems like I made a lot of corrections, but you really did a good job with this writing. Keep studying the corrections and you'll get better. Good luck

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iman mohammed's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate)
532

thanks a lot of your all corrections. i accept them with pleasure.

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BeckyGreenBeans's picture
I learn : Spanish (Beginner)
4039

Hi!

I don't think you need to repeat 'personality' as much as what you do in this extract.

For example, you could just say: Like Razan, he has to be calm, so he can keep me safe and prevent my life from becoming too crowded.

Thanks,

Becky :)

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iman mohammed's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate)
532

thank you becky :)

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