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Jesus's picture

Hoy escuche, que en Madrid los turistas se quejan del...

Friday, July 19, 2019 - 22:09
Jesus's picture

Hoy escuche, que en Madrid las o los...

Friday, July 19, 2019 - 21:55
Kawaii_Baguette's picture

*et ne s'utilise pas dans le même contexte

...
Friday, July 19, 2019 - 14:22
Kawaii_Baguette's picture

Bonjour !

Tout d'abord, bravo pour votre travail...

Friday, July 19, 2019 - 14:20
Lynette's picture

Gracias Adrian, Quiero que debo es estudiar un poco mas...

Friday, July 19, 2019 - 11:38

our teacher asked us to describe a personality using specific traits she gave to us, so i used the good traits of my classmates to describe a person who i wish to be with him.

Have you ever liked someone’s personality that led you eventually to write about it?
Well, I always have this problem to think of the person who I should write about, especially if you’re a picky person, this will make it much harder.

So let me drag your attention in describing a person who I wish to meet. He should be crazy and humorous like Jinan, so I can smoothly fell in love with him as well as forgiving him when he makes mistakes because I will know that this is an unintentional mistake made by an honest person.

He has to be calm like Razan, this personality will keep me safe and away from crowded life. Also to be resilient and sweetheart like Nadine who loves helping others. Childish like Rana, so I will not feel bored with him even if we spend all life together. People with tanned skin attract me more than people with white skin. So I wish if he will have a tanned and beautiful skin like Sanaa. Sportive body like Miss Najah, and to be communicative and inspiring like her. talkative like Nouhad. individualistic, self-sufficient, and self-made like Miss Nariman as well being intellectual like her. finally to have Amani’s innocence and when I find this person, I’ll let him meet her to teach him how to make the rat’s sounds that she makes.

 

/

1)note I meant by innocence at the end (the personality that children have). is it true to use innocence here?

2)regarding rats sounds, she always makes funny voices which make me laugh. I called these voices the rat's sounds.

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Grammatical Accuracy

The learners ability to use nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. correctly in sentences, using verb tenses accurately, and having the correct agreement between subjects and predicates. For instance, one would say "they were" instead of "they was."

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Punctuation

The learner's ability to use certain marks to clarify meaning of their writing by grouping words grammatically into sentences and clauses and phrases.

There are 3-4 errors in capitalization and punctuation.
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Spelling

The learners' ability to form words with the correct letters in the correct order

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Style

The learner's ability to tailor the written work to fit the specific context, purpose, or audience

Mostly understandable. However, there are a few errors which cause confusion.
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Aliakbar Majidi's picture
I learn : French (Beginner) Persian (Expert) Spanish (Beginner)
4813

Hi, Iman. Good job here, keep it up! Here is a rewritten version of your text, please take a look and let me know if you have any questions.

 

Our Teacher Asked Us To Describe A Personality Using Specific Traits She Gave To Us, So I Used The Good Traits Of My Classmates To Describe A Person Whom I Wish To Be With Him.

Have you ever liked someone’s personality that eventually led you to write about it?
Well, I always have this problem to think trouble thinking of the person whom I should write about, especially if you’re (Better to avoid contractions in writing.) a picky person, this will make it much harder.

So, let me drag draw your attention in describing a to the description of the person whom I wish to meet. He should be crazy and humorous like Jinan, so I can smoothly fell fall in love with him as well as and I can forgive forgiving him when he makes mistakes because I will know that this is an unintentional mistake made by an honest person.

He has to be calm like Razan, this personality trait will keep me safe and away from a crowded life. Also, to he should be resilient and a sweetheart (Sweetheart as an adjective has a different meaning.) like Nadine who loves helping others, childish like Rana, so I will not feel bored with him even if we spend all our lifetime together. People with tanned skin attract me more than people with white skin. So, I wish if he will have a tanned and beautiful skin like Sanaa, have a sportive (athletic) body like Miss Najah, and to be communicative and inspiring like her and talkative like Nouhad.  He should also be individualistic, self-sufficient, and self-made like Miss Nariman as well as being intellectual like her. Finally, to he should have Amani’s innocence and when I find this person, I’ll let him meet her to teach him to be taught how to make the rat’s sounds that she makes.

 

/

1)note I meant by innocence at the end (the personality that children have). is it true to use innocence here? Yes, we use innocence for children, it is not a personality trait for them, though.

2)regarding rats sounds, she always makes funny voices which make me laugh. I called these voices the rat's sounds. Do you think she makes noises like a rat does?

 

 

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iman mohammed's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate)
532

no not noises, she always makes voices like rats to make people laugh

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edhutchins88's picture
I learn : Chinese (Beginner) French (Beginner) German (Beginner) Portuguese (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner) Arabic (Beginner)
4480

Hey Iman,

That was a fantastic effort.

Yes - it is important to forgive people when they make mistakes and not be too harsh on them - especially if you know that they are good, honest people. I agree with you that it is important to find someone who is calm and enjoys helping others.

Aliakbar has done a great job of evaluating your text. Please see some additional comments from me

1. so I can smoothly fell in love with him  - The adjective "smoothly" sounds strange in this context. I would use a word like "quickly" or "rapidly".

2. keep me safe and away from a crowded life - The adjective "crowded" also is not the correct one in this context. I would use a word like "hectic" or "stressful".

3. I’ll let him meet her to teach him how to make the rat’s sounds that she makes. - I'll let him meet her to teach him how to make the "rat sounds" she makes. Hahaha - I have never heard the term "rat sounds" Presumably you mean the squeaky sounds they make?

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iman mohammed's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate)
532

hahahah yes exactly,  the squeaky sound but i didn't know how to write it. thanksss

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