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Sunday, January 26, 2020 - 19:14
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Sunday, January 26, 2020 - 19:12
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Sunday, January 26, 2020 - 19:09
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Sunday, January 26, 2020 - 19:06
edhutchins88's picture

Hi Oleks,

Yes - being focused is also extremely...

Sunday, January 26, 2020 - 16:59

Talking about special trips 3

After a while we were around the lake taking photos in order to share this magical experience with family and friends, yet that proved been impossible. Unless the entire mobile system should been upgraded in the blink of an eye, there was no way to have signal for our smartphones, in fact the only moment I got signal the line cut off immediately.

 

It would seem that we have to keep our secret until our return to the city. And that was good, we put off the tech thing, layback and chilled out as human beings are meant to do.

 

On the whole, magical places existed to be enjoyed peacefully and to be soaked up in our souls more than in the memory of some tech toy.

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Grammatical Accuracy

The learners ability to use nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. correctly in sentences, using verb tenses accurately, and having the correct agreement between subjects and predicates. For instance, one would say "they were" instead of "they was."

There are 3-4 grammatical errors
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Punctuation

The learner's ability to use certain marks to clarify meaning of their writing by grouping words grammatically into sentences and clauses and phrases.

There are 3-4 errors in capitalization and punctuation.
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Spelling

The learners' ability to form words with the correct letters in the correct order

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Style

The learner's ability to tailor the written work to fit the specific context, purpose, or audience

Mostly understandable. However, there are a few errors which cause confusion.
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Ros Watson's picture
I learn : Italian (Beginner) French (Beginner)
6663

Adrian - you write so beautifully - I've just marked a couple of changes below.  Lovely to hear from you again!  Ros

 

After a while we were around the lake taking photos in order to share this magical experience with family and friends, yet that proved been to be impossible [Use the infinitive here]. Unless the entire mobile system should been was upgraded in the blink of an eye, there was no way to have signal for our smartphones, [As there are two clauses with main verbs you need to use a full stop ".", a semi colon ";" or a dash "-"] - in fact the only moment I got signal, the line cut off immediately.

 

It would seemed that we would have to keep our secret until our return to the city. And that was good, we put off the tech thing, lay back and chilled out as human beings are meant to do.

 

On the whole, magical places existed [I would use the present tense here] to be enjoyed peacefully and to be soaked up in our souls more than in the memory of some tech toy.

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5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Lynette's picture
I learn : Spanish (Intermediate)
565

Well written Adrian.  Ros has covered any errors. Keep up the good work. 

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5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Aliakbar Majidi's picture
I learn : French (Beginner) Persian (Expert) Spanish (Beginner)
8073

Well done again, Adrian! Keep up the good work.

 

After a while, [comma needed] we were around the lake taking photos in order to share this magical experience with family and friends, yet that proved been to be impossible. Unless the entire mobile system should been was upgraded in the blink of an eye, there was no way to have signal for our smartphones; in fact, [comma needed] the only moment I got [space needed] signal, [comma needed] the line cut off immediately.

It would seemed that we would have to keep our secret until our return to the city. And that was good; we put off the tech thing, lay laid back, and chilled out as human beings are meant to do.

On the whole, magical places existed [general fact] to be 

Comment Rating : 
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
kjcoffin's picture
I learn : Spanish (Intermediate)
3925

After a while we were around the lake taking photos in order to share this magical experience with family and friends, yet that proved been to be impossible. Unless the entire mobile system should would have been upgraded in the blink of an eye, there was no way to have a signal for our smartphones. In fact the only moment I got a signal, the line cut off immediately.

 

It would seem that we have to keep our secret until our return to the city. And that was good because we put off the tech thing, layback laid back and chilled out as human beings are meant to do.

 

On the whole, magical places existed to be enjoyed peacefully and to be soaked up in our souls more than in the memory of some tech toy.

 
Good job on this one, keep it up
Comment Rating : 
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
juliemin888's picture
I learn : French (Beginner)
100

Well written! Everyone else has got grammar covered for you yes

I'd recommend using a more descriptive word or phrase for "tech thing".

Good job!

Comment Rating : 
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)