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Ronny Castillo's picture

I think I could do it better.

9 min 50 sec ago
HortenseMaldonado's picture

Content of the vacations is filled on top of the items...

Monday, April 22, 2019 - 21:00
Ros Watson's picture

A very well written piece about the recent tragic fire...

Sunday, April 21, 2019 - 16:21
Ros Watson's picture

Really inspirational piece!  I totally agree with what...

Sunday, April 21, 2019 - 16:01
Ros Watson's picture

Hi Iman. This is fun!  Just a few tweaks in an otherwise...

Sunday, April 21, 2019 - 15:32

Talking of the past

Talking of the past, I remember when I was a child that my friends and I could play all day outside, at the street or even at the river. On those days the river was clear and full of live and the street almost empty, now thew river is dead and the street is full of cars.

 

It is unlikely for the young people to understand the fact that the river was once a good place for kids, a safe place. Obviously for the ones that see the pollution, the garbage that fill the river now, might be impossible to imagine life in the deadly waters.

 

The difference is shocking, for me is the distance that separate life and dead. And only at this moment we start to understand that in fact my generation (and I have to include myself) is highly responsible for the damage. We had taught that the water was something eternal and the river could take whatever we do… We were so wrong.

 

Now we have to something, and some of us are doing something, yet the damage is so deep that the new generations will have to fix a lot of our mistakes. I always regret not watching the truth before.

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Grammatical Accuracy

The learners ability to use nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. correctly in sentences, using verb tenses accurately, and having the correct agreement between subjects and predicates. For instance, one would say "they were" instead of "they was."

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Punctuation

The learner's ability to use certain marks to clarify meaning of their writing by grouping words grammatically into sentences and clauses and phrases.

There are 3-4 errors in capitalization and punctuation.
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Spelling

The learners' ability to form words with the correct letters in the correct order

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Style

The learner's ability to tailor the written work to fit the specific context, purpose, or audience

Mostly understandable. However, there are a few errors which cause confusion.
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Easy to understand. Writing flows and keeps reader engaged.
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Ros Watson's picture
I learn : Italian (Beginner) French (Beginner)
3474

Well done Adrian.  I have tweaked a few things.  I realise this is a re-write.  Remember that clauses with main verbs either need to be separated by a full stop and a capital letter or a semi colon [;]   

I look forward to your next text!  Ros

Talking of the past, I remember when I was a child that my friends and I could play all day outside, at [on] the street or even at [in] the river. On those days the river was clear and full of live [life] and the street almost empty,[;] now thew [though] [the]river is dead and the street is full of cars.

 

It is unlikely for the young people to understand [that young people would understand] the fact that the river was once a good place for kids, a safe place. Obviously for the ones that see the pollution, the garbage that fill[s] the river now, [it] might be impossible to imagine life in the deadly waters.

 

The difference is shocking,[.] For me [it] is the distance that separate[s] life and dead [death]. And only at this moment [do] we start to understand that in fact my generation (and I have to include myself) is highly responsible for the damage. We had taught  [thought] that the water was something eternal and the river could take whatever we do [did]… We were so wrong. [Because you used the past perfect earlier, you need to change "do" to "did"].

 

Now we have to [do] something, and some of us are doing something,[;] yet the damage is so deep that the new generations will have to fix a lot of our mistakes. I always regret not watching [seeing] the truth before.

Comment Rating : 
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
edhutchins88's picture
I learn : Chinese (Beginner) French (Beginner) German (Beginner) Portuguese (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner) Arabic (Beginner)
3610

That was a fantastic effort, Adrian.

Sadly I see a lot of people throwing rubbish into the river (near where I live) and it makes me really sad and angry. I really hope things change in the future and people start taking better care of the environment.

Ros has done an excellent job of evaluating your text. Make sure you carefully review all the corrections and let us know if you have any questions about them.

Comment Rating : 
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Aliakbar Majidi's picture
I learn : French (Beginner) Persian (Expert)
2153

Hi Adrian. Good job! Ros has already mentioned several useful tips. Here are some more just to fine tune things a bit:

- On those days the river was clear and full of life and the street was almost empty. -> parallel structures

 To me, it is the distance that separates life and death. -> Since the sentence expresses an opinion, I would prefer "to", also a comma is needed.

the water was something eternal -> I believe you are talking about "water" in general.

Keep it up!

 

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5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Karin Brauner's picture
I learn : French (Beginner)
1710

Well done! I'll leave a few corrections in bold, including some punctuation marks:

 

When reminiscing on / thinking about the past ... I remember when I was a child, that my friends and I could play all day outside, at the street or even at the river. On those days, the river was clear and full of life and the streets were almost empty; now thew river is dead and the street is full of cars.

 

It is unlikely for the young people nowadays to understand the fact that the river was once a good place for kids, a safe place. Obviously, for the ones that see the pollution, the garbage that fills the river now, it might be impossible to imagine life in the deadly waters.

 

The difference is shocking! For me it's the distance that separates life and death. And only at this moment do we start to understand that, in fact, my generation (and I have to include myself) is highly responsible for the damage. We were taught that the water was something eternal and that the river could take whatever we did to it … We were so wrong.

 

Now we have to do something, and some of us are doing something, yet the damage is so deep that the new generations will have to fix a lot of our mistakes. I always regret not knowing /hearing the truth before.

Comment Rating : 
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)