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Aliakbar Majidi's picture

Fantastic, Homero! Your pronunciation is great! Keep up...

10 hours 30 min ago
Aliakbar Majidi's picture

Hi Okek. That is a wonderful idea! I personally like to...

10 hours 52 min ago
Oleks's picture

Hi, Edhutchins88. Thank you for your answer. Start...

Sunday, June 16, 2019 - 21:37
Aliakbar Majidi's picture

Well done, Homero! I am truly sad about what happened in...

Sunday, June 16, 2019 - 21:30
Oleks's picture

<p>Hi, Alikabar. Thank you for your feedback. You...

Sunday, June 16, 2019 - 21:30

Things always change in an unexpected way. Please describe a thing you have recently done that, ten years ago, you never imagined you would do.

2010(Taking Baccalaureate)

Friend(1):  Iman I can’t believe that. You did it. You are one of the top students in Lebanon who got the highest degree in baccalaureate. Besides I heard that you may get a scholarship for a university, I am not sure that you will get it because you need nepotism.

Friend(2):  hahah, I am sorry but I did not understand. You will enroll in a Lebanese university? But their exams are really hard. It’s impossible to succeed. Regardless of doing well in the exams, their priorities are for the Lebanese students who belong to a specific party.

LOADING……………..

Iman- friend(1): they called me from the scholarship program today to inform me that I had got a scholarship for BAU. (Hope)

Iman-friend(2): I went to a Lebanese university today, and they informed me that I am one of the top sixth students in the exams.  (Self-Confident)

2014(After Graduating)

Friend(1):  it’s hard to find a job in Lebanon, especially because of your nationality.

Friend(2): You really want to complete your studies. I don’t think you can afford the payments for Masters in Lebanon.

LOADING……………..

friend(1)-Iman : You had graduated yesterday. How did you find this job quickly?

-Iman: I was looking for a new oven, so I asked the manager if he could accept me to do an internship in accounting. He responded that his accountant had left the work two weeks ago and he needs an accountant. (Faith)

 

Iman-Friend(2) : My teacher at university had called me to inform me that I got a scholarship to study masters. DO you believe that? (Faith)

 

2017-Today

Friend(1):  how did you get this job in this company. I know that they don’t hire Palestinian.

Iman:  I don’t know. Ask God.

 

If I want to count how many times I heard (you can’t, you are not allowed, you are Palestinian), I think I may reach hundreds of times. Being surrounded by people who don’t believe that you are going to achieve what you want, or feel that it’s too much to make your dreams come true is the hardest battle in life.

 Nine years ago, I had so much fear that I will stay at home after getting my Baccalaureate. Deep down, I knew that no matter how bad life gets, there is always a way to turn it around. In a single morning, everything changed. I woke up feeling depressed and I had this call from a Scholarship program that changed my life extremely. Then, it happened again for Masters, and again for a job and for CIA (Certified Internal Auditor).

The only thing that I have changed in the past nine years was protecting myself from pessimistic owls, who in a certain period of my life made me feel useless. Instead, I surrounded myself with many books, followed a lot of inspirational pages, and listened to a personal audios development. Honestly, I have never imagined that I am going to reach what I have today. But training myself to have faith, and hope have helped me a lot. You will know how it’s amazing to have peaceful, motivating, empowering, inspiring and energizing thoughts when it will make you stronger in desperation moments. And I am so incredibly happy with the feeling I have now and the progress I made.

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Grammatical Accuracy

The learners ability to use nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. correctly in sentences, using verb tenses accurately, and having the correct agreement between subjects and predicates. For instance, one would say "they were" instead of "they was."

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Punctuation

The learner's ability to use certain marks to clarify meaning of their writing by grouping words grammatically into sentences and clauses and phrases.

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The learner's ability to tailor the written work to fit the specific context, purpose, or audience

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edhutchins88's picture
I learn : Chinese (Beginner) French (Beginner) German (Beginner) Portuguese (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner) Arabic (Beginner)
4065

Hi Iman!

Wow! That was a truly inspiring piece of writing. Like you, I have (often) been surrounded by many pessimistic people and they do make me feel useless and unconfident. So (like you) I always try to surround myself with more positive people and inspirational books. You must be very proud of yourself. Despite the challenges you have faced in your life, you have managed to overcome them all to become extremely successful in what you do!!! yesyes

With regards to your written English, I am so impressed with the amount of progress you have made! Very well done to you!

Please see just a few of my observations:

1. You are one of the top students in Lebanon who got the highest degree in baccalaureate. - You are one of the best students in Lebanon who received one of the highest grades in the Baccalaureate. ("get" is normally used in informal writing. For example, I might say to my friend "Have you got the money you owe me?")

2. You will enrol in a Lebanese university? - Will you enrol in a Lebanese University? (Take a look at this link for how to form questions in English: https://www.espressoenglish.net/an-easy-way-to-form-almost-any-question-in-english/)

3. one of the top sixth students in the exams - one of the top six students in the exam

4. I don’t think you can afford the payments for Masters in Lebanon. - I don’t think you can afford the payments for a Master's degree in Lebanon.

5. You had graduated yesterday - You graduated yesterday. -(Use the simple past / preterite tense in English to describe events that have recently happened)

6. so I asked the manager if he could accept me to do an internship in accounting - so I asked the manager if he could hire me to do an internship in accounting

7. He responded that his accountant had left the work two weeks ago and he needs an accountant. - He responded that his accountant had left his/her job two weeks ago and that he needed an accountant. (You are talking about a past event, so ensure all verbs are in the past.)

8. I know that they don’t hire Palestinian - I know that they don’t hire Palestinians (You are talking about more than one person)

9. If I want to count how many times I heard - If I want to count how many times I have heard

10. I had so much fear that I will stay at home after getting my Baccalaureate. - I was so scared that I would end up staying at home after getting my Baccalaureate. (Use the conditional tense when speculating about the future)

11. I had this call from a Scholarship program that changed my life extremely. - I received this call from a Scholarship program that drastically changed my life.

12. I have never imagined that I am going to reach what I have today - I had never imagined that I would achieve what I have today.

13. in desperation moments - moments of desperation.

 

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Aliakbar Majidi's picture
I learn : French (Beginner) Persian (Expert) Spanish (Beginner)
3963

Hi Iman. Nice piece of writing! And yes, you should not let anybody talk you out of what you really want to do, otherwise, you will lose happiness. I am impressed with your progress. Keep up the good work! Ed has already mentioned many useful tips which you could consider. I would like to briefly give you the major differences between the simple past and present perfect tenses and how past perfect test is used.

 

Ex. (simple past vs. present perfect)

I went to India last year. (Specific time, emphasizes past effect)

I have been to India. (Non-specific time, shows experience, emphasizes present effect)

 

Ex. (past perfect, When something is done before something else in the past.)

When I got home, he had already left for work. (He left for work, then I got home.)

 

If you need further explanation, do not hesitate to let me know.

 

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BeckyGreenBeans's picture
I learn : Spanish (Beginner)
4004

Hi! 

Brilliant news! You should be proud of the fact that the Lebanese university regards you so highly! 

You're spelling and overall style is great, there are just a few things here that I would have rephrased:

- Friend 1: It would be hard to find a job in Lebanon, especially because of your nationality

- Friend 2: I don't think that you would be able to afford to pay for a Master's Degree in Lebanon

Since the two friends are speculating about potentially completing a Master's Degree in Lebanon, I would rephrase these areas using the modal verb 'would'. Using modal verbs like 'would' and 'could' indicate the potential outcomes of possible events or situations. You are speaking about what could happen rather than what is happening, so make this clear for the reader.

- Iman Friend (2): The other day, my teacher at university called to inform me that they are awarding me with a scholarship which will allow me to study my Master's Degree. Can you believe that? - (It's always a good idea to give people some context of times when events have happened, so I would open this with 'The other day'. Also, you don't need to use the past tense verb 'had', as 'called' is 'call' written in the past tense. Use the modal verb 'can' as you are speaking in the present tense.)

- Friend(1):  How did you get this job in this company? - (Don't forget to use question marks when asking questions.)

Thanks,

Becky :)

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Ros Watson's picture
I learn : Italian (Beginner) French (Beginner)
3704

Really inspirational piece!  I totally agree with what you say about the power of positive thinking and reading books which inspire you.  I used this to transition from being trapped in a very unhappy marriage to regain control and start a new life.  I'm now very happily married and life is so good!  I wish you so much happiness and success Iman!  Here are my changes:

 

2010(Taking Baccalaureate)

Friend(1):  Iman I can’t believe that it. You did it! You are one of the top students in Lebanon who got the highest degree in [the]baccalaureate! Besides [Not only that] I heard that you may get a scholarship for a university!  I am not sure that you will get it because you need nepotism!

Friend(2):  hahah, I am sorry but I did not [don’t] understand. You will [are going to] enroll in a Lebanese university? But their exams are really hard. It’s impossible to succeed. Regardless of doing well in the exams, their priorities are for the Lebanese students who belong to a specific party.

LOADING……………..

Iman- friend(1): they called me from the scholarship program today to inform me that I had got a scholarship for BAU. (Hope)

Iman-friend(2): I went to a Lebanese university today, and they informed me that I am one of the top sixth students in the exams.  (Self-Confident)

2014(After Graduating)

Friend(1):  it’s hard to find a job in Lebanon, especially because of your nationality.

Friend(2): You really want to complete your studies. I don’t think you can afford the payments for Masters in Lebanon.

LOADING……………..

friend(1)-Iman : You had graduated yesterdayHow did you find this job [so] quickly?

-Iman: I was looking for a new oven [?? – did you mean “opening” or “job” or did you need money to buy a new oven??], so I asked the manager if he could accept me to do an internship in accounting. He responded that his accountant had left the work two weeks ago and he need[ed]s an accountant. (Faith)

 

Iman-Friend(2) : My teacher at university had called me to inform me that I [had] got a scholarship to study masters. DO you believe that? (Faith)

 

2017-Today

Friend(1):  how did you get this job in this company. I know that they don’t hire Palestinian[s].

Iman:  I don’t know. Ask God.

 

If I want to count how many times I [have] heard (you can’t, you are not allowed, you are Palestinian), I think I may reach hundreds of times. Being surrounded by people who don’t believe that you are going to achieve what you want, or feel that it’s too much to make your dreams come true is the hardest battle in life.

 Nine years ago, I had so much fear that I will [would] stay at home after getting my Baccalaureate. Deep down, I knew that no matter how bad life gets, there is always a way to turn it around. In a single morning, everything changed. I woke up feeling depressed and I had this call from a Scholarship program that changed my life extremely [dramatically is better here]. Then, it happened again for Masters, and again for a job and [then] for [a] CIA (Certified Internal Auditor).

The only thing that I have changed in the past nine years was [is] protecting myself from pessimistic owls[“owls” isn’t used in English – you could just say “pessimists”, who in a certain period of my life made me feel useless. Instead, I surrounded myself with many books, followed a lot of inspirational pages [articles], and listened to a personal development audios. Honestly, I have never imagined that I am going to [would] reach [achieve] [Use the conditional form here] what I have today. But training myself to have faith, and hope have [has] helped me a lot. You will know how it’s amazing [it is] to have peaceful, motivating, empowering, inspiring and energizing thoughts when it will make[s] you stronger in moments [of desperation]. And I am so incredibly happy with the feeling I have now and the progress I [have] made.

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