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Oleks's picture

Hi Ed! Thank you for your comment and corrections! I...

3 hours 58 min ago
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Thank you, Kealin! I will try to use shorter sentences...

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Hi Ed! At the time I myself was only sitting at the...

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Thank you, Kealin! At last not a single extra comma!

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Hi Ed! What can you do, excavators are thing of the past...

4 hours 23 min ago

Too much hate

It is seem that hate have been growing up the last years, no matter if is about religion, gender, race, money, work, whatever the topic is, hate is there. Actually, when I check tweeter I usually get shocked by the way many people respond to almost everything, usually with anger, disrispect and a serious lack of empathy.

If we don't stop hating each other, hatred will consume us as a society. I would rather not to respond hate with more hate, yet try to cool down the situation, whatever it is. As a matter of fact, hate only needs hate to live, so if I want to stop it I need to do it by myself.

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Grammatical Accuracy

The learners ability to use nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. correctly in sentences, using verb tenses accurately, and having the correct agreement between subjects and predicates. For instance, one would say "they were" instead of "they was."

There are 3-4 grammatical errors
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Punctuation

The learner's ability to use certain marks to clarify meaning of their writing by grouping words grammatically into sentences and clauses and phrases.

There are 3-4 errors in capitalization and punctuation.
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Spelling

The learners' ability to form words with the correct letters in the correct order

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Style

The learner's ability to tailor the written work to fit the specific context, purpose, or audience

Mostly understandable. However, there are a few errors which cause confusion.
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Easy to understand. Writing flows and keeps reader engaged.
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Quite hard to understand.
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Aliakbar Majidi's picture
I learn : French (Beginner) Persian (Expert) Spanish (Beginner)
6238

Hi, Adrian. Good job! I agree with you. Hatred is rising and the reason is that some people are benefiting from it. I hope people would understand this and start loving each other to spread peace. By the way, regarding your text, here is a rewritten version, please take a look:

Too Much Hatred (“Hatred” and “hatred” have the same meaning; however, I feel hatred is more suitable)

It is seems (“Seem” is a verb not an adjective.) that hatred has been growing up rising (also increasing) the last through recent years, no matter if is be it about religion, gender, race, money, work, whatever the topic is or any other topic, hatred is there. Actually, when I check tweeter, I usually get shocked by the way many people respond to almost everything usually with anger, disrespect and a serious lack of empathy.

If we don't stop hating each other, hatred will consume us as a society. I would rather not to respond to hatred with more hatred, yet try to cool down the situation, whatever it is. As a matter of fact, hatred only needs hatred to live exist, so if I want to stop it, I need to do it by myself.

Comment Rating : 
5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
edhutchins88's picture
I learn : Chinese (Beginner) French (Beginner) German (Beginner) Portuguese (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner) Arabic (Beginner)
5885

Hi Adrian,

That was a fantastic effort. Like you I have seen an increase in the amount of people who post hateful, despicable messages online. Often (in these comments) people threaten each other, which I cannot understand.  It really upsets me and it makes me lose faith in humanity.

With regards to your written English, Aliakbar has done a great job of evaluating your text.

Please see some of my observations.

1. the last years over the past few years.

2. when I check tweeter  When I check Twitter (watch your spelling of this website :-) 

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5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
Ros Watson's picture
I learn : Italian (Beginner) French (Beginner)
5519

Hi Adrian

What you say is so true.  And I think Twitter and other social media sites bring with them a lack of responsibility.  It's all too easy to post anonymously.  People use it as an opportunity to express their general frustrations.  There is a song I like by Morcheeba.  The lyrics are "Fear can stop you loving.....Love can stop your fear".  I think hate stems from fearfulness and if we just learnt to love each other more, the love would cancel out the fear.

I have a few notes on your otherwise excellent piece of writing.  See below:

It is seem [seems] that hate have [has] been growing up [growing up is used for children growing into adulthood] [in] the last [few] years, no matter if [it] is about religion, gender, race, money or work. [W]hatever the topic is, hate is there.  Actually, when I check tweeter [Twitter] I[am] usually get shocked by the way many people respond to almost everything, usually with anger, disrispect [disrespect] and a serious lack of empathy.

If we don't stop hating each other, hatred will consume us as a society. I would rather not to respond [to] hate with more hate [You can use "prefer not to" or "rather not"], yet try to cool down the situation, [Instead I would prefer to cool the situation down],whatever it is. As a matter of fact, hate only needs hate to live, so if I want to stop it I need to do it by myself.

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5
Average: 5 (1 vote)
BeckyGreenBeans's picture
I learn : Spanish (Beginner)
4094

Hi Adrian, 

Thanks for this!

I've just made some amendments to your sentence structure:

Over the last few years, it has seemed like hatred amongst people has been on the rise. - (On the rise is a common phrase used in English to show something is increasing or growing)

- No matter what the topic, be it religion, gender, race, money or work, people seem to have strong and hateful opinions about it. 

Above, I've flipped your sentence structure so that you introduce the idea of 'the topics' first. By doing this, the reader knows what you are going to be talking about for the remainder of the sentence.

Also, where you talk about 'hatred' or 'hate', try to give context to your sentences and present the information in different ways. Articulate what you mean more when you say 'hatred is there' by relating it back to people and their opinions.  

- Actually, when I check Twitter, I'm usually shocked by the way many people angrily and disrespectfully respond to almost everything, which I think shows that they have a serious lack of empathy towards other people and their reasons for having certain opinions. -(You can use adverbs like 'angrily and 'disrespectfully' to make your writing more concise)

- If we don't stop hating each other, hatred will consume us as a society. - (Well done for getting the spelling of 'each other' correct; in English, these are always two separate words)

- I would rather not respond to hate with more hate and instead, I'd prefer to cool down situations where I witness anger and hatred amongst people. (You can use contrastive adverbs like 'instead' to offer alternative viewpoints)

- In reality, hate will only survive if it is fuelled by people continuing to be hateful and if I want to put a stop to it, I'll need to make an effort to be kind, understanding and empathetic towards the opinions of others. - (You can talk about emotions, which are the opposite of hate like 'kindness', to show how you need to act in order to get rid of hatred amongst people)

Thanks, 

Becky :)

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5
Average: 5 (1 vote)