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Oleks's picture

Hi, Edhutchins88! Thank you! I think we must make this...

10 hours 9 min ago
Oleks's picture

Thank you, Kjcoffin!

10 hours 14 min ago
Oleks's picture

Thank you, Lynette, for very useful comment!

10 hours 16 min ago
Oleks's picture

Thank you, Kjcoffin! I'll try to do what you said.

10 hours 18 min ago
Oleks's picture

Thank you, Kjcoffin! Seemingly obvious mistakes, but it'...

10 hours 21 min ago

unforgettable people

Throughout our life, we will meet a lot of people who will affect us in different ways.  Some of them will leave remarkable memories while others will leave Atrocious memories that will hurt us psychologically.

This will be a thankful letter for those people I met them throughout my life and were the reason for making me not giving up. My priority, my everything, my charming, and the one who sacrificed and still till now, my mother who I will always be on her debt, for doing the best to make me intellectual person. I still remember how she was defending on me, her courageous words to don’t let anyone violate my rights as a human live in this country, my old courageous manager. If I want to solve any problem or either just to be happy, she will be the right person, my creative childhood friend who creates a lot of solutions to help me and has a lot of funny ways to make me laugh. She always tells her students: “my achievement is to see every one of you talk in English”, My teacher who dedicated herself not only for teaching but also to change our thoughts, create hope and make us believe that we can do whatever we want in life.  He is determined, my man who faced a lot of injustice in his life, but he was strong to overcome everything, made himself and me who we are today. His Shop burned, he lost all his money and had some of the burns in his body, he suffered from massive psychological problems but he didn’t give up until he becomes our inspiring head of Human Resource, and the owner for a recruitment company in Lebanon. I promised him that he will always be the original for me, the person whom his personality is hard to find, unfortunately, we can’t be together because of our different religions. Some people say: “if you have self-confidence, you will be amazed at what you are able to do”, I wish my dad heard this because he has strong self- confidence, but he wasn’t with me through my adolescence to give me some of what he has, or to listen about my problems with my old egotistical, ruthless manager who treated me in a terrible way because of my nationality, instead, he preferred to be obsessive with many other things and to live all his life for himself not for any one of us which caused much pain in my heart. “Never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world”. care about others, their feelings, ambitions, and pains, is a talent because it will make our spirit become more beautiful, for my brother Jamil who is bothering me a lot but talented in caring about a lot of people who are suffering and really need help.

Those who left good memories are one person for me, inspiring person. I feel lucky because I met them, they will be an unforgettable person by a lot of people who met them too. 

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Grammatical Accuracy

The learners ability to use nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. correctly in sentences, using verb tenses accurately, and having the correct agreement between subjects and predicates. For instance, one would say "they were" instead of "they was."

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Punctuation

The learner's ability to use certain marks to clarify meaning of their writing by grouping words grammatically into sentences and clauses and phrases.

There are 3-4 errors in capitalization and punctuation.
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Spelling

The learners' ability to form words with the correct letters in the correct order

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Style

The learner's ability to tailor the written work to fit the specific context, purpose, or audience

Mostly understandable. However, there are a few errors which cause confusion.
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Aliakbar Majidi's picture
I learn : French (Beginner) Persian (Expert) Spanish (Beginner)
4813

Hi, Iman. Great job here! I strongly agree with you. People who do good and are nice to others will always be in our memories. I made some modifications to your text. Please take a look. You are on the journey to learning better English, keep on going!

 

Unforgettable People

 



 

Throughout our life, we will meet (This is a routine not something happening in the future.) a lot of people who will affect us in different ways.  Some of them will leave remarkable memories while others will leave Atrocious atrocious (words in the middle of the sentence should not be capitalized unless they are proper nouns, months, etc.) memories that will hurt us psychologically.

 

This will be is a thankful thank-you letter for those people I have met them (You already mentioned the object.) throughout my life and were the reason for making me not giving up. My priority, my everything, my charming, and the one who sacrificed and still does till now, my mother who I will always be on her debt indebted to, for doing the her best to make me an intellectual person. I still remember how she was defending on defended me, her courageous words to don’t not letting let anyone violate my rights as a human live in this country; she was my old courageous manager. If I want to solve any problem or either just to be happy, she will be the right person, my creative childhood friend who creates a lot of solutions to help me and has a lot of funny ways to make me laugh. She always tells her students: “my achievement is to see every one of you talk in English”, My teacher who dedicated herself not only for to teaching but also to change our thoughts, create hope and make us believe that we can do whatever we want in life.  He (Was it she or he?) is determined, my man who has faced a lot of injustice in his life, but he was has been strong enough to overcome everything. That made himself and me who we are today. His Shop shop burned down, he lost all his money and had some of the burns in on his body, he suffered from massive psychological problems but he didn’t give up until he becomes became (Keep the consistency in verb tense.) our inspiring head of Human Resource, and the owner for of a recruitment company in Lebanon. I promised him that he will always be the original for me to myself, the person whom his whose (This is the possessive relative pronoun.) personality is hard to find, unfortunately, we can’t be together because of our different religions. Some people say: “if you have self-confidence, you will be amazed at by (Pay attention to the correct prepositions for verbs.) what you are able to do”, I wish my dad heard this because he has strong self- confidence, but he wasn’t with me through my adolescence to give me some of what he has, or to listen about to me talking about my problems with my old egotistical, ruthless manager who treated me in a terrible way because of my nationality, instead, he preferred to be obsessive obsessed with many other things and to live all his life for himself and not for any one of us, which caused much pain in my heart. “Never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world”. care Caring (Here, care comes at the beginning of the sentence and it should be capitalized.) about others, their feelings, ambitions, and pains, is a talent because it will make our spirit become more beautiful, for my brother Jamil who is bothering (Bothering you but talended???) me a lot but who is talented in caring about a lot of people who are suffering and really need help.

Those who left good memories are one person for good and inspiring people to me, inspiring person. I feel lucky because I met them, they will be an unforgettable person people  to by a lot of who met them too. 


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iman mohammed's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate)
532

Again, Thanks a lot for your support. regarding Jameel, he bothering me but in a funny way. but he is talented because he is doing a great job which is helping people who need help.

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edhutchins88's picture
I learn : Chinese (Beginner) French (Beginner) German (Beginner) Portuguese (Beginner) Spanish (Beginner) Arabic (Beginner)
4485

Hello Imam,

That was a fantastic piece of writing. Like you, I have met several amazing, inspiring people in my life and will always remember them and be forever greatful to them. smiley

Aliakbar has again done a great job of pointing out the corrections that need to be made.

Here are just a few additional things I would add.

1.  and were the reason for making me not giving up were the reason for making me / ensuring that / making sure that I did not give up.

2. still does till now, - just a minor stylistic change, but I would use the idiom "to this day"

3. my rights as a human live in this country as a human who lives in this country.

4. head of Human Resource - The correct term is "Head of Human Resources"

 

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iman mohammed's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate)
532

Hi,
million thanks for your modifications. they help me to be better in writing.

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Ros Watson's picture
I learn : Italian (Beginner) French (Beginner)
4019

Hi Iman

A sophisticated and philosophical piece of writing.  You are writing at quite a high and therefore complicated level so I have made quite a few adjustments.  I like your sentiments and look forward to your next post.  Ros

Throughout our life, we will meet a lot of people who will affect us in different ways.  Some of them will leave remarkable memories while others will leave A [a]trocious memories that will hurt us psychologically.

This will be a thankful letter [is a letter of thanks to] for those people I met them who I have met throughout my life and were the reason for making me not giving [give up] [When using “making me” follow it with the base verb – for example “making me sing” “making me sleep”]. My priority, my everything, my charming, [It’s not possible to just say “my charming” as “charming is an adjective and needs a noun and also the possessive adjective “my” needs a noun – so I have moved it next to “mother”] and the one who sacrificed [so much in the past and is still doing so now till now, my [charming] mother.  who I will always be on in her debt, for doing the best to make me [an] intellectual person. [My old courageous manager - ] I still remember how she was defending on  [defended] me, her courageous words to don’t [and her refusal to] let anyone violate my rights as a human live [living] in this country. If I want to solve any problem or either just to be happy, she will be the right person, my creative childhood friend who creates a lot of solutions to help me and has a lot of funny ways to make me laugh. She always tells her students: “my achievement is to see every one of you talk in English”, My teacher who dedicated herself not only for to teaching but also to change [changing] our thoughts, create [creating] hope and make [making] us believe that we can do whatever we want in life. [We need to use the gerund forms of changing, creating and making] He is determined, my man who faced a lot of injustice in his life, but he was strong to overcome [in overcoming] everything [and]made himself and me who we are today. His shop burned [down]; he lost all his money and had some of the burns in [on] his body.   [H]e suffered from massive psychological problems but he didn’t give up until he becomes [became][Don’t switch tenses here – you have just been describing a situation in the past] our inspiring head of Human Resource, and the owner for [of] a recruitment company in Lebanon. I promised him that he will always be the original for me, the person whom his  [whose] personality is hard to find. [U]nfortunately, we can’t be together because of our different religions. Some people say: “if you have self-confidence, you will be amazed at what you are able to do”, I wish my dad [had] heard this because he has strong self- confidence, but he wasn’t with me through my adolescence to give me some of what he has, or to listen about [to] my problems with my old egotistical, ruthless manager who treated me in a terrible way because of my nationality, instead, he preferred [preferring] to be obsessive with [about] many other things and to live all his [whole] life for himself not [rather than] for any one of us. [This] which caused much pain in my heart. “Never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world”. [C]are about others, their feelings, ambitions, and pains.  [This] is a talent because it will make our spirit become more beautiful.   for my brother Jamil who is bothering me a lot [I’m sorry – I don’t understand this sentence] but talented in caring about a lot of people who are suffering and really need help.

Those who left good memories are [like] one person for me [- an] inspiring person. I feel lucky because I met them, they will[all] be an unforgettable person [people] by [to] a lot of [other] people who met them too. 

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iman mohammed's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate)
532

I am grateful for your help Ros.

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BeckyGreenBeans's picture
I learn : Spanish (Beginner)
4039

Hi!

Thanks for this!

I really like the way you reflect on memories and the detail that you include of them in your writing. 

Remember to split up sentences to avoid them becoming confusing.

For example:

- My priority and my everything, who still to this day makes sacrifices for me, is my mother. I am indebted to my mum because she did her best when raising me to make me an intellectual person.

^ Here, I have changed 'in debt' to 'indebted'. This is because:

- "In debt" literally means owing money (to someone).

- "Indebted" also means owing money, but the alternative meaning is owing gratitude for a favour - in short, thankful, grateful, beholden.

Thanks,

Becky :)

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iman mohammed's picture
I learn : English (Intermediate)
532

Thanks a lot Becky. 

I am trying my best to improve in punctuation.

with your help, I will be better. I am sure

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